Jokes

as for the translation i cant see any errors maybe cept using past perfect tense instead past simple tense bwahaha! at least i translated the jokes by myself and not just copied and pasted them

It wasn't a dig at your translation Surt. More at our varying sense of humours. I know who Sherlock and Watson are, just couldn't get the joke. I'm missing something. Not to worry. onward we go my friend.

never ever noticed any varying in humour my friend, not in english or chinese or zulu jokes actually its a junkie joke if u ever smoke that shit u can get it: when doped a person percieves every obvious thing in a new funny light... on the other hand, d'u know the name of doctor watson? i don't!

John H Watson

googlin hey! wat H stands for? Hedda, Hezra, Hobart, Humbert, Howie, Huckleberry? lol

That would be Headjob, if the rumours are true!

yep, if its on the net it must be true lol

hahaha yup i heard a lot of jokes about his inclinations as well heres another one:

Sherlock Holmes smoked the smoking pipe too much, and dr J.H.Watson wanted to disaccustom him from that harmful habit, so once when mr holmes was away, he took his pipe and shoved it into his arse several times, then put it back. when Sherlock Holmes returned, he smoked the pipe with usual pleasure... Doctor Watson played that trick again and again, but Sherlock Holmes didn't quit smoking... but Doctor Watson got accustomed to the pipe!

Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Coopers Pale Ale.

Barman asks, "What's wrong with Coopers Pale Ale"?
Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Coopers Pale Ale last night, and when I came round, I was fucking skint

Barman says, "12 pints of any Beer, costs about the same amount, these days."?

Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog!"

Always wear underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle.
From the local paper comes this story of a Brisbane couple who drove their car to ALDI, only to have their car break down in the car park.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.
On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under the chassis.

Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones..

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.

On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by watching.

The RACQ mechanic however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

Russell, the poofter, goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.

The doctor comes back and says, 'Russell, I'm not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS.'

Russell is devastated. 'Doc, what can I do? '

"Eat:
1 curry sausage,
1 head of Cabbage,
20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce,
10 Jalapeno Peppers,
40 walnuts and 40 peanuts,
1/2 box Of All Bran,

And top it off with a litre of prune juice."

Russell asks bewildered, 'Will that cure me, Doc?'

Doc says, 'No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ARSE is for.'

Clever Flight Attendant

A mother and her 5-year-old son were flying Air New Zealand from Auckland to Sydney.
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked,
'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant

So the little guy walks up to the galley and asks the flight attendant,' If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"

The boy said, "Yes, she did.
"Well, then, please tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Air New Zealand always pulls out on time. And ask her explain that to you."

hahaha crack up

I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl. I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection...but she did.

Bwahahahaha you touched it didn't you

Best Out of Office Automatic e-mails Replies

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail
to get the position.
Please be prepared for my mood.


2. You are receiving this automatic notification, because I am out of the office.
If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed
so I can be promoted to our management team.


4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation.
Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.


5. Thank you for your email.
Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each
additional word in your message.


6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection.
Your message has not been delivered.
Please restart your computer and try sending again.
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over
and over....)


7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.


8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me.
Please wait by your PC for my response.


9. I've run away to join a different circus.


10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as 'Lucille' instead of Steve

Gonna use at least two of those next time I travel.

Black guy walk's in a bar with a parot on his shoulder.

"wow" says the barman, "where did you get that?"

"Africa" says the parrot, "Theres f*cking million's of them!"

How does a black lady know she's pregnant? She takes out the tampon and all the cotton is picked off.

How does a black lady know she's pregnant? She sticks a banana up her cunt and pulls it out; if there's a bite missing then another monkey's on the way.

What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps? Michael Phelps could finish a race.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew? Santa goes down the chimney.

What's the most effective pickup line you know? Don't make me turn this rape into murder.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.

Why did Princess Di cross the road? She wasn't wearing her seatbelt.





http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/co...aw_droppingly/

A guy is sitting looking a bit down, his mate asks whats wrong?

he replies that the doc told him he has "the big C".

what! cancer askes his mate?

no dyslexia.