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I don't think there would be enough long grass left standing in Ipswich to accomodate 150:DQuote:
quote:Originally posted by Shadowzone
Breaking News: 7 ute loads of Aboriginal Volunteers from the N.T. have just arrived in Ipswich to assist with the looting!
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each
other outside the operating room---the first surgeries of the day.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a
little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done
when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give
you lots of Jell-O and Ice Cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when
I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
A rare occurrence
There was a knock on the door this morning,
I opened it and there was a young bloke standing there who said:
"I'm a Jehovah's Witness".
I said "Come in and sit down, what do you want to talk about"?
He said, " F****d if I know I've never got this far before"
A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said. "A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do".
--
I walked past an Aboriginal sitting on the ground this arvo and he asked, "Any change mate?" I said no, you're still black.
--
A woman goes to Doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging from her crotch,
Doc says "that looks nasty,"
"Nasty she says, that's just the tip of the iceberg."
I was walking down the street today and saw a nigger carrying a plasma TV, I thought it looked familiar until I remembered mine was at home shining my shoes.
I recently got a job in a music store when an abo walked in and asked if we had anything by the doors I said "a camera and two security guards now fuck off"
Why is it when you see a blonde girl eating a banana you think of porn but when you see a black girl eating a banana you think of the discovery channel ????
A wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'
And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'
And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the
car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but
don't wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'
The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,
'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?
My daughter just walked into the living room and said
"Dad cancel my allowance, rent out my room, throw all my clothes out of the window,
take my TV, stereo, iPhone and jewelry to the charity shop.
Sell my car, take my door keys and throw me out of the house".
Well she didn't actually put it like that... she said... "Dad this is my new boyfriend, Mohamed."
BWWWHAHAHAHAH.Quote:
quote:Originally posted by Tony Nitrous
My daughter just walked into the living room and said
"Dad cancel my allowance, rent out my room, throw all my clothes out of the window,
take my TV, stereo, iPhone and jewelry to the charity shop.
Sell my car, take my door keys and throw me out of the house".
Well she didn't actually put it like that... she said... "Dad this is my new boyfriend, Mohamed."
A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
'You know what?' says the 7 year old, 'I think it's about time we
started swearing.'
The 4 year old nods his head in approval, so the 7 year old says, 'When
we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after
me, ok?'
'Ok' the 4 year old, agrees with enthusiasm..
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants
for breakfast.
'Oh, shit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Coco Pops'
WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got
up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, ' And what do
YOU want for breakfast, young man?'
'I don't know,' he blubbers, 'but it won't be fucking Coco Pops'
.
lmfao tony i like that one and so did my mum
Anal sex is a lot like spinach. If your forced to have it as a kid, chances are youre not gunna like it as an adult.
I had to cancel my trip to Christchurch next week because my accomodations fallen through.
Why aren't the Kiwi's upset about the earthquake? All the sheep are vibrating.
A sniffer dog set off the alert of life over the rubble of one of Christchurch's best known and popular brothel's. Fortunately 9 sheep were saved...
a new priest asks a parishioner if she likes his sermons.
- amazingly! i have to confess, we'd known nothing about a sin, before you arrived!
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are sitting and smoking ganja
- listen Watson! What a strange name of yours - Doctor?
either i was kicked in the head by a horse... or i have nfi about those last two...
Q. Which is the odd one out: a woman, a microwave or a fridge?
A. The microwave, the other two leak when they’re fucked.
I don't think they translated so well into english, but I couldn't work them out either
sorry i cant put in ur heads wat yas missed in the past... let me guess no reading books no watching movies?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sherlock_Holmes
http://www.imdb.com/find?s=all&q=Sherlock+Holmes
http://www.sherlock-holmes.co.uk/