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fimps BIG ballsout run
well, u missed it
dont worry u werent invited [:p]
basically my mission (and i chose to accept it) was to deliver a magical pair of hotpants from Newy to Walgett with a mysterious shortcut through Sans Souci in Sydney....
so straight from work on friday i shot down the F3 to the sydney tunnel
armed will just a clean pair of undies and a bottle of DonJaun Tequila [^]
got to Sans Souci, rest of the night is a blurr
woke up late on saturday
head sore, no voice (damn kareoke)
and half the bottle has mysteriously dissapeared
hugs goodbye and im motoring towards richmond
get there and its still drizzling
and i can see the wall of water on the mountains
oh well, its the only way and the hotpants have to be delivered by 5pm, WHATEVER THE COSTS!!!
got petrol and a gatorade, still fending off that damn hangover [8D]
this was my first time all the way up Bells Line Road
and the weather was SHITE, the clouds are stuck on the peak and my choice of a tinted visor is severly working against me
the rain is patchy, hard or drizzle but always present
have to go fast enough to clear the water off my view
the old kat is skating around all over the place but at least the traffic is fairly light
pull up into bathurst and i have made much shittier time than i had hoped
but the roads are opening up and for now its a bit drier, for now...
so for the run to dubbo the goal was to hold it up my average speed from 140 above 160
did it!!!!
i made GREAT time to dubbo
stopped off for more petrol and some hang-over destroying O.J.
hmmm, exhaust can looks funny...
SHIT, the tube on the header end of it is GOOONE
its held on with the springs and flapping about
oh will, i pulled it off with a bit of fiddling (and years of practice ;))
and i managed to fit it in the gap between the engine and the pod filters, hold it in with some wire and good ol' electrical tape
oops, that wasted time
better make it up!
about two minutes out of Dubbo i have settled into a nice cruising speed
about 150, see the cop car coming the other way with about 100m notice
i keep cool and stay in my cruise, trying not to look fast
but nope, doesnt work and i see him turn in my mirrors
i pull over
cop is a good bloke
he does me for 138kph, i knew i was doing more but never say so
and anything over 140 is a suspension so i count my lucky stars
i explain the exhaust and he doesnt seem worried
good cop, but i just lost ANOTHER 10minutes....
BYEEEEE
off again
petty in Gilgandra, the roads start getting shitty after that
petrol in Coonamble
some old blokes strike up a chat, they are heading south and they confirm that the clouds to the north are BAAAAAD news
i put my wetweather pants on again and charge at it
only 95km to go!!!!
WARNING, things get a bit ranty here...
now, i am travelled north to a town called Walgett
anyone who have travelled on the road from Coonamble to Walgett may note that this is by far one of the shittiest roads they have ever come across
there are sections where the road has been let slide into complete disrepair and all the warning u get is a "Rough Surface" sign
by the time i had thought "what does that mean exactly?" i was airborne!!!!!
you see, it was pelting down rain at the time and apparently what "Rough Surface" means is that they have replaced 2/3rds of your lane with what can only be described as a 50m long clay "table top" jump with the surface sitting a good 6inches above the regular road surface with a >30degree ramp
the end result being me and the katana sailing through the air as i plan the best way to land on soft wet clay at the posted speed limit
keep in mind that this road is BARELY wide enough to be a single lane in each direction and has NO shoulder
there were more of these sections on the road (maybe 10 all up over 95km) and many floodways
and guess what the posted speed limit is...... ONE HUNDRED AND TEN!!!!
yep
the RTA in all its wisedom has decided that its just as safe to go 110 on this road as the F3 FREEWAY!!!!
the weather clears up about 25km before my goal
i pull into walgett JUST after 5pm
not bad for a hungover blonde who operates in his own timezone!!
the magic hotpants are handed over
and it seems my calibrated ass-groping hands that i used to pick out the size were as accurate as ever
great fit on a great ass
smiles all round
the dance recital goes off without a hitch
DJ fimp was in charge of the music, so it was always going to be flawless :D
(GLUG GLUG, WOOHOO etc)
oops, where did that tequila go??? ;)
i dunno, but all of a sudden its sunday morning and i am a LOOOONG was from home and only seem to remember the good bits about last night
i have a shower and looking at the old kat i can still feel my ears ringing
a big grin spreads across my face :D
fuck it [8D]
hugs all round and once again im off!!!
so on my return trip i head back down this road in this time dry conditions
i then turned off at Gilgandra and headed down the Golden HWY towards the coast
now THIS is a nice road, wide shoulder, generous lane width and a fantastic road surface
but guess what?
speed limit = 100KPH?!?!?!?!
what i am getting at is that HOW can i trust a group that tell me that this particular road (which was VASTLY better than the one i had just turned off) was actually less safe??????
that is assuming that speed limits are based on keeping me safe, which is what i keep being told....
but i seriously didnt give a fuck
the katana with no muffler sounds fucking amazing, and the road snakes with nice rolling hills and beautiful sunny weather
i have the latest Ministry of Sound Mashed album on my minidisc going at full volume, its just me VS the horizon
i can hear every glorious POP and ROOOAR of that iconic engine
and the k's are just dropping away beneath me
couple of fuel stops etc.... life is good [8D]
but life rarely stays this good for too long (bummer)
so i reach sandy hollow
there is a white subaru forester traveling at a slower rate to myself (lets assume i was being a good boy and the main reason i am faster is because the bike can EASILY hold the maximum 100kph in corners and the subaru cannot)
so i decide to overtake
it is a single lane in each direction and no cars coming the other way with broken lines
the bike easily accelerates past the forester and i am pulling back onto the correct side of the road
i suddenly noticed that a highway patrol car is coming the opposite direction around the next corner JUST as i am pulling back in
i slow back to 100kph and i see him turning around in my rear view mirror and lights come on
i cant believe i got this unlucky
about 5minutes earlier there was a patrol car going the opposite direction
at the time i was behind a roadtrain so i was being behaved
oh well, tough titties i guess
time for me to bend over again...
i pulled over, showing no intention to run (and why would i, his car is faster than the katana)
the young officer then proceeds to book me
what looks like his senior officer watches on like an old perv watching his favourite alterboy porno movie [:X]
after the usual warning about the conversation being recorded visually and by audio and telling me my writes the younger officer continues...
"do you know how fast were you going back there?" (NEVER answer this question with a number!!!!)
"i had just overtaken that subaru, you saw me do it" i reply in a matter-of-fact tone without trying to sound angry or be a smartarse
"we have you at 120, this is a 100 zone"
"oh, but you saw that i was overtaking. surely...."
"yes, we saw that. license please"
at this time the more senior officer starts asking me about my bike
"its a bit loud"
"i know, the muffler came loose in dubbo. i took it off and i am on my way home, no-one out here can fix it on the weekend anyways"
"can u start it up for me"
"you know it'll be too loud, it has no muffler"
after i recieve a funny look i shrug and fire it up
starts first time, as always
the senior tool reaches for the throttle and starts revving it
after blipping it a few times and revving it up i reach over and turn it off on him
he starts "tutting", and points out some oil on the engine
i explain that i have just covered about 1500km in 2 days and the old engine gets hot and weeps a bit of oil occasionally
but it obviously hasnt dripped in the 10minutes it has been parked
he then says "its seen better days"
"its twenty five years old!" i say, hoping he gets the "FUCK YOU" tone in my voice
they take my license back to the car and i assume they are making out for the next 15minutes...
why does this take so long?
young officer approaches me first
"ok sir, i have to book you for something. so i am doing you for 15kph over which is only as $73 fine instead of $230"
"is it the same points? im more worried about those?"
"yes, 3 points. sorry i have to book you for something"
and there it is, you cannot tell me at this point that police dont have quotas to meet
i simply refuse to believe it after that
surely in this situation a warning would have sufficed??
i cant help but feel a bit hard done by on this occation
the same people who set the speed limits are now telling me that the safest way to overtake a slower vehicle is to pass on the wrong side of the road without speeding
surely this is rediculous????
in fact i may just dispute this one, might right a letter to that guy in [rapid]
then the senior officer insults my bike a bit more and issues me with a defect notice
the shittiest thing being that the things he busts me for are easier fixed, but he ticks the box that says "full inspection"
the rest of the ride home was pretty uneventful
i keep thinking how fucked the poor old katana is
you see, the electrics are fucked
what the cop didnt pick up on was my complete lack of functioning blinkers and that the headlight was running directly off a switch that only gave me a functioning hi-beam
oh well, i enjoy the cruise home the rest of the way
i doubt that i can repair the wiring harness within the required 21days
i guess the katana will be coming off the road sooner rather than later, must be fate
i get home on dusk
still grinning like a madman at the thought of how much shit i got away with on the weekend
MWAhahaha, i smoke a cigar in the bath and im comfortably numb with the vibration of thousands of k's in one weekend on a machine that the government has officially deemed
"unsociable"
that grin just refuses to go away and its still there a week and a half later :D
but i must admit, i have learnt a valuable lesson.....
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Entertaining read mate. Thats a bloody good ride on the old girl. Is it just me or did you rack up nine points and a full defect in three days?
You are officially my hero fimp.
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6 points in 2 and a bit days really :D
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There's really a place called Sans Souci in Sydney? How Aussie can you get? I will have to read this epic when I have a little more time.......
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Did you write all that as an excuse to show everyone your arse?
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theres a slight shit stain up your back Conrod,you been dirt trackin again?
but glad to hear your boyfriends pants were a snug fit.
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you didnt lose tha vance and hines did you fimp?
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almost mate, its going to need a bit of a re-work to go back on
but it will make a comeback, doncha worry ;)
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Great read, fimp. Glad it's not just me who gets pulled over and finds it hard to stop grinning like an idiot.
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Hey fimp, if you wanna part with the v&h let me know. Been looking at doing an underslung exhaust but i need an oval can. Mine is a round bolt on. As its already shortened it would be perfect.
