JackTar
01-03-2010, 01:14 PM
1. If you are over forty and you have a washboard
stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked
back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of
your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics and doing the Oprah
diet...Faggot.
2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a
dog, but queer -- it grooms itself constantly but never
scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses
its claws and whines to be fed...
And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here!
I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think
about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy,
snookums!' Jeeez you're so queer.
3. If you suck on lollipops, ring pops, baby pacifiers or
any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a gaylord. A
straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw
oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet or tits..
Anything else and you are a homo in training and
undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or
piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual
relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he
defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee,
you're as fairy as Tinkerbelle. A straight man will
never be heard ordering a 'decaf soy latte'. If
you've put a decaf soy latte to your lips, you've
had a man there too.
6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors
or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and
custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes.
A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to
remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse
you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile
other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it,
you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts
both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to
cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand
to change the radio station, eat a hamburger or hold his
beer.
8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your
email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings
then you are definitely on the verge of being a salami
smuggler.
stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked
back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of
your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics and doing the Oprah
diet...Faggot.
2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a
dog, but queer -- it grooms itself constantly but never
scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses
its claws and whines to be fed...
And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here!
I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think
about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy,
snookums!' Jeeez you're so queer.
3. If you suck on lollipops, ring pops, baby pacifiers or
any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a gaylord. A
straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw
oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet or tits..
Anything else and you are a homo in training and
undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or
piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual
relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he
defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee,
you're as fairy as Tinkerbelle. A straight man will
never be heard ordering a 'decaf soy latte'. If
you've put a decaf soy latte to your lips, you've
had a man there too.
6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors
or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and
custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes.
A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to
remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse
you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile
other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it,
you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts
both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to
cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand
to change the radio station, eat a hamburger or hold his
beer.
8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your
email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings
then you are definitely on the verge of being a salami
smuggler.