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[Docktor]

Parkin spaces are like girls at a party...... If you get there late all the good ones are taken.........So when no one is looking you stick it in the disabled one.

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How fast can a girl fuck ??

68 miles per hour......... at 69 she flips over and blows a rod.

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My Granny was tellin me the other day how men aren't as polite and kind as when she was young.........

I had to sit her down and tell her it's coz they aren't tryin to fuck her anymore.
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[uncle pervy]

i just heard on the news thats someone wearing a mankini and riding a goat was admitted to the psycho ward. i'll come get you this time, but this shit has got to stop

[kevkatana]

The police are on to us.
They are looking for a sexy motherfucker and a retard.
They've already got me so grab your helmet and crayons and run like fuck!!!


Someone just called and said there was a retard running down the road in shit stained underwear. Where the fuck you going? Call me if you need a ride.


One day, a long time ago in a land far far away there lived a woman who did not nag, whine or bitch.
But it was just one day and a fucking long time ago!

[jakam04]

quote:Originally posted by uncle pervy

i just heard on the news thats someone wearing a mankini and riding a goat was admitted to the psycho ward. i'll come get you this time, but this shit has got to stop


Is this one you have recieved personally Pervy lmfao....

[TurboKat]

Met a stunningly gorgeous prostitute the other day, turns out she charges by the inch so I couldn't afford her but she'd be a cheap fuck for you Doc.

[Bastard]

women are like piano's, when there not upright there grand.

just came home to find the plumber with his dick in my dog, the fuckin police wont do nothing because the bastard is corgi registered.

a man has a sex change his mate asked did it hurt when they chopped your bits off?
he replied not half as much as when they shrank my brain and widened my mouth!

black man going to a xmas fancy dress party, so his wife brought him a santa suit, he said take that back there is no black santa. so she returned with a snowman suit, he shouts when did you see a black snowman stupid bitch. so she comes back with a large flat stick, he says what the fuck am i supposed to do with that to which she replied, stick it up your ass and go as a choc ice you black cunt!

paddy says to his mate ive been taking steroids and ive grown an extra cock! his mate says anabolic paddys replies no just an extra cock.

[Bastard]

two women on there way back from a night out stop for a piss in the grave yard, one woman wipes her fanny on her knickers the other uses a wreath.
the next dinner time in the pub there husbands were talking the one says i need to keep an eye on my mrs last night she came back with no knickers on! the other says thats fuck all mate mine had a card in her arse crack saying we will never forget you from all the boys at the fire station!

[Bastard]

donald duck on a dirty weekend calls reception and asks the girl for condoms
the receptionist says shall i put them on your bill?
donald says dont be thuckin thupid i'd thuckin thuffocate.

[Bastard]

brought my mrs a new deoderant stick to day the instructions said remove top and push up bottom she's still in casualty at the moment but her farts smell great!

[Bastard]

my daughter had a charades party after my go i got a kickin from all the other dads, it seems grabbing my cock and wanking furiously while staring at my daughters mates is not the best way to do gary glitter!

[Bastard]

4 blokes in a prison cell, a zoophile, a sadist, a necrophiliac and a gay.
the zoophile says if there was a cat in here i would fuck it until i passed out.the sadist then nods and says once your done with it i'd torture it to death, the necrohiliac says then i would fuck it until i passed out. the gay bloke sitting in the corner softly starts saying "meeeooww"

[pappas]

Jack and Jill went up the hill so jack could lick Jill's fanny. Jack got a shock and a mouthfull of cock as Jills a fucking Tranny!

[Fish]

Humpty dumpty sat on the bed,
Little bo peep was giving him head,
when humpty came she started to weep,
she could tell from the taste he'd been fucking her sheep.

[Weaselman]

"Your a fag"

[Cruisecontrol]

This site is full of txt win:

http://textsfromlastnight.com

(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

[Shadowzone]

This site is full of txt win:

http://textsfromlastnight.com

(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"


Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday


I (http://textsfromlastnight.com/Text-Replies-33680.html) may have done this in the past. Actually I spent two days on the toilet/bathroom floor crook as a dog. Still it's funny as fuck knowing i'm not the only one...