View Full Version : Stupid things people have said to me!
damo1
18-10-2009, 09:06 AM
Since being a courier these are some stupid things they have said or asked me during my days.
The Q's are the public and the A's are me
1:
Q:was it hard to get that triumph swing arm in there.?
A: it's not a triumph it's a honda
Q;are you sure cause i have a triumph and it's exactly the same.
A:Well you have a problem then cause you have a honda arm in your triumph
He's mutters somethimng about me being a smart arse and walks off.
I leave him with- you know what mate your probably right and the badge on the side of the arm is wrong.
2:
Q:Wow nice Sabbie mate
A: Where?? as i look around
Q:yours??
A: yeah i suppose it would be if it was a slabbie this is a slingy
Q: Same thing !
A: no! thats ones called a slabbie and ones call a slingy cause there different.
3: I jump into a lift with my hi vis wet weather pants on
Q: Is thee a fire!!!!!!!!
A:I hope not?? Why?
Q; your a fire men arnt you.
A: I laugh out loud and point at the mail call emblem on my chest.
Q: Oh how embarassing (HE says)
4:
Q: Where did you buy that headlight fairing??
A: i built it didnt buy it!
Q: Oh? Where can i buy one?
A: you cant buy one i built it!
Q: Oh????????????????????? Any ideas where i can buy one??
A: you can buy it i bulit it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Q: surly some one must sell them if you have one?????
A: Mate seriously what part of i built it you cant buy it don't you understand?????!!!!!!
He wonders off muttering something about me being a prick or something, i just laughed out loud
5:
Q: nice 600 mate??
A: it's only the seat unit sticker it's actually an 1100
Q: yeah thats the way pretend to make out it's something its not.
A: I'm not pretending i just told you what it was.
A: Nice hair cut mate, what sort of product do you use??
Q: (Some poofter something about mary product)
A: yeah thats the way mate try make your something your not, cool when your really not!
Looks surprised and just walks off.
6:
Q:Are you a ranger mate?
A: Do i look like an arse hole?
Q: Is that a trick question?
A: Yeah fair call!
I just walked off thinking fucking smart arse.:D Loved it
7: Ranger walks up to me cause i'm illegally parked (He's indian)
Q:Can you park here?
A: I'll only be a sec mate and i'm leaving
Q: Who do you work for? (looking at the bike and then finally spots the mailcall stickers)
A:Mailcall
Q: Are you allowed to park here being a courier with a box like that on your bike??
A: Mate as far as i'm aware we can park where every we want because we are couiers!
Q: Oh i didnt know that! I'll have to be mindful in future not to book couriers for parking on the foot path.Thanks
A: Yeah no worries.
WTF isnt he supposed to know the laws about parking???????Win for the couriers in Surryhills though;)
I'll keep posting as they come in.
Oh and this one
8:
I'm parked on the foot path and trying to get back onto the road across the pacific hwy,i decide to go a cross the pedestrian crossing with the flow of traffic and then blend in when i can.
I get to the medium and just about stop to wait for a spot and this big fat fucker yells out as he cross's in front of me
"FUCK OFF YOU CUNT"
I thought thats not very nice?
So anyway i finally get ot blend in and up the road a while i cut through the traffic to the head of the line.
Well low and behold here's the fat fucker sitting right there at the head of the traffic.
He's total oblivious to the fact that i'm about to pull up beside him.
I pull up and look across and say "high"
He looks around and realises it's me and says nothing and just looks back ahead again.
I said again "high remember me"?? (leaning closer to the door), I think you referd to me as "Fuck off you cunt" back there.
He comes up with some bullshit about how he was talking to some guy in the car behind me.
I said what was he crossing the pedestrian crossing behind me??
I said thats the problem with useless fat fuckers like you your tough as when you think theres no chance of any come back but you are gutless useless burdens on society and are week as piss when comfronted.
But you know what mate i'm having a great day so i dont care for your crap.But feel free to head down the pub and tell all your useless fat alcoholic mates how tough you are.Because they'll probably care.
Oh and by the way tell me this when was teh last time you had a root you didn't have to pay for??
Light gose green i ride off and i'm sure i hear him say as usual "FUCK OFF YOU CUNT"
Not really that funny but just some of the crap i have to deal with.
grindella
18-10-2009, 09:11 AM
you should know by now that the general public are morons.
thepj
18-10-2009, 10:30 AM
just the other day i was thinkin it would be a cool job to be courier get to ride bike all day, doesnt seem to exciting now lol
Jockney Rebel
18-10-2009, 06:41 PM
heres mine damo different city same bollox :
[and before you all write in ..yes i stole it from a film ..]
as i slide to a stop after belting a Sierra and a Hedge ..bloke says to me
Q. you alright ?wat happened?
A.dunno mate ive only just got here meself
damo1
18-10-2009, 06:48 PM
quote:Originally posted by thepj
just the other day i was thinkin it would be a cool job to be courier get to ride bike all day, doesnt seem to exciting now lol
Mate the money is great
BUT and yes there is a big but
In about 10 weeks ive gone through 5 head light globes,gone through a brand new rear tire,about 2 tanks of fuel a day, just changed the oil(which i worked out i'll have to do about every 4-6 weeks),plus all the tolls maybe on average 3-5 bridge crossings a day plus where ever else i go.
200-250ks a day, 1000 a week, 5000 every 4-6 depending on the weeks k's
So i'm really working to just to pay expenses and taking home a decent wage on top.
Its a lonly job as well you dont really get to have a decent conversation with any one all week.
And yes every body on the road are morons.
But tehre seems to be an unspoken deal between cabbies and couriers they are actually pretty good when i'm dressed in my courier gear.
quote:Originally posted by damo1
Q: Where did you buy that headlight fairing??
A: i built it didnt buy it!
Q: Oh? Where can i buy one?
A: you cant buy one i built it!
Q: Oh????????????????????? Any ideas where i can buy one??
A: you can buy it i bulit it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Q: surly some one must sell them if you have one?????
A: Mate seriously what part of i built it you cant buy it don't you understand?????!!!!!!
He wonders off muttering something about me being a prick or something, i just laughed out loud
A: yeah I can get you one for $200 :D
Keep em coming damo1, fukkin pricless mate ! [:p]
The general pubics are dumb c**ts [:o)]
[/quote]
But tehre seems to be an unspoken deal between cabbies and couriers they are actually pretty good when i'm dressed in my courier gear.
[/quote]
At least something has improved in the 20 years since I gave away courier work.
In the mid to late 80s, it was the complete opposite. A major part of why I still hate scabbies with a passion. :(
davio
18-10-2009, 08:35 PM
courier riding does have its bright sides,, i was sittin on the steps of blah blah building in melb waitin for a job,, red wanker sports car pulls up,, mega hot chicky opens the passenger door and puts 1 leg out then turns to kiss sugar daddy bye bye ,im pretty sure she didnt know she was flashin her pantiless twat at me, laughed real hard when she gave me a greasy look as she got out,,,well dont flash it if u dont want anyone to see honey :},,, oh and all the hottie office gals make ur day shorter
thepj
18-10-2009, 08:52 PM
were do ya sign up?? lol
ShedBoy
20-10-2009, 07:17 AM
I can't stand the city me. Everytime I ride into the city I feel like a temporary Australian.:( Always some stupid fuck trying to kill me then abusing me for it. Last time I went down the freeway during peak hour traffic I was splitting lanes through the slow moving carpark at about 30k when this fucktard in a sonata sees me in his side mirror so decides to try and push me into the concrete barrier[:0] to late to back out so I had to put my boot up take off his wing mirror to make room[:p]. Still copped a nice bruise to the leg. Kept it upright though[8D]
damo1
22-10-2009, 06:25 PM
Heres some more from the last couple of days.
Q: what? how? did you? what actually happen to your exhaust mate??
A: nothing why whats wrong with it?
Q: How come it so short and squashed?
A: Its off a late mod R6
Q: Oh i thought there was something wrong with it?
A:You know what mate i dont mean to be rude but i cant even be bothered to explain it to you.If you dont know what i'm talking about it's pointless even trying.
Q:Oh ok?????????????? i'm actually dont even know what an R6 is?
A: Thats my point mate! why bother.
And after modding my head light again and having two stacked small lights i get this one.
Q: Whats the story with your head lights mate?.
A: No story what you see is what you see??
Q:I mean i havent seen anything like it before.
A: And you probly wont again i built them myself!
Q:Wow thats pretty cool?? how did you do that.
A: Had an idea,and half a brain and it just feel together the way i wanted.
Q: Was it hard??
A: Not as hard as trying to explain it to you!
Q:???????????????? (Looks at me with this stupid, not sure what i'm talking about look on his face and says) Oh it must of been hard then.
Nudie
22-10-2009, 07:15 PM
Venue- Phillip Island, after this years MotoGP
Me to Traffic Cop- "What's going on down there?" (the traffic's stopped)
TC- "It's always like this after the race mate!"
Me- "It wasn't last year. I parked in the same spot and got straight out"
TC- "Yes it was!"
Me- "No it wasn't, I got straight out last year"
TC- "it's been the same for the last 8yrs"
Me- "Yeh, whatever" turns and walks away
TC- "You probably left earlier last year. Your getting old and dont walk as fast now"
Me- Stop walking and turn to look at this smart arse "You're lucky you've got a gun you cheeky cunt!" Proceed to bike
Ross_247
22-10-2009, 07:30 PM
hahaha.. thats the way : )
Driving trams a few years back when an idiot in a ute decided to change lanes and side swipe the tram:
Him: Why did you ram me?!"
me: "yea, I changed lanes and hit you.... right...."
Him: "No need to be smart about it"
me: "then stop being a dick head and hand me your licence"
Him: "I'm not giving you my licence"
me: "suit yourself, I'm getting paid by the hour to sit here and I'm in no rush"
It took ten minutes for him to work up the courage to come knock on my door and hand me his details.... once I'd written them down I gave him the tram + depot number and left him there.
Man I miss tram driving!
Shadowzone
23-10-2009, 12:56 AM
After looping my VTR inbound on Kelvin Grove Rd, sliding down the rd and hearing the sound of the fourby tyres screeching. Then all goes quiet and I figure I'm either dead or maybe its all good but I'm probably dead. So I open my eyes and lift the visor on the lid to see old mate standing over me.
Hilux Driver - Are you alright mate?
Me - Yeah mate I do this daily for shits and giggles
HD - There's no need to be smart about it I was only asking to try and help you.
His Mrs - Well it was a pretty fucken stupid question wasn't it? I mean he just crashed and rolled down the fucken road you dumb bastard of course he's not ok.
Me - I'll be right but do you reckon you could call me an (realising what hes likely to say) oh fuck it can you call an ambulance for me. Thanks.
They did and I got carted off to the horsepiddle....
Not out in public but while I'm standing on the bench at work sticking a fluro tube back into place,this absolute dick of a workmate (I call him "the village idiot" and he's NO mate) asks what I'm doing !!!
I told him I was building a block of home units.He smiled and nodded as if that was the answer he needed.
Irony is lost on some people.
damo1
24-10-2009, 01:17 PM
Here we go again.
As i pull us beside a cafe to do a pick up this dike turns and says
Q:Wow a water cooled six hundred!
A: I as i do look around and say where??
Q:She looks confused and points at my bike and says yours?
A: I said no it an oil cooled 1100.
A:As usual i have to explain the seat unit sticker.
Q: But it has a radiator?
A:No its an oil cooler.
Q: Same thing!
A: No one carries water IE:water cooled, And the other carries oil IE:oil cooled so they are different!
Maybe best to just stick to ordering coffee looks like you got that right.
She just turned around, im pretty sure she got the hint.
Weaselman
24-10-2009, 09:20 PM
Damo just nod and smile and tell them something compleatly stupid like its a battery cooler and the bike isnt actually a suzuki 1100 but the chinese knock off as they havent gotten good at building big engines yet but its ok for a V twin
Nudie
25-10-2009, 06:16 PM
HAHA Weasel, when people ask me "What is it?" I've started telling 'em "It's a big bang R1 mate!" If they dunno it's a V twin then fuck 'em, i'm not here to edumacate any cunt.
damo1
25-10-2009, 06:37 PM
quote:Originally posted by Weaselman
Damo just nod and smile and tell them something compleatly stupid like its a battery cooler and the bike isnt actually a suzuki 1100 but the chinese knock off as they havent gotten good at building big engines yet but its ok for a V twin
Thats a classic mate i'll definatly start bullshitting to them and see what happens:D Love it;)
Seen me latly stalker[:p]
damo1
31-10-2009, 08:12 PM
So heres some more:D
Lady jumps into a lift that i'm in
Q: You on a push bike?? (I'm standing in a bike jacket,gloves and really look like i ride a pushie?????)
A: Na a motor bike.
Q:Wow it must be dangerous riding around the city in that traffic all day.
A:Doesn't really bother me ive been doing it for yrs.
Q:Don't you find it a worry at all?
A:Na not really just gotta keep an eye out and keep one step ahead of the cars at all times.
Q:I recon the moto bikes are the ones who cause more accidents on the road the way they ride.
A:Yeah your probably right! you always see car loads of dead people on the side of the road after getting cut up by someone on a motocycle, Dont you!!?
Q:Well no not really??
A:Oh sorry i must have taken your comment about motobikes causing more accidents than cars the wrong way then.
The lift door opens and she disapered quite quickly with no further comment.[^]
And this one after getting cut up in traffic by some oriental in a hotted up 200sx,i pull up beside him at the lights.
A:You right mate you just cut me right up
Q:You Weer in my brin srot
A: I what?????
Q:you weer in my brin srot
A:I what?? was in you brin srot?? what's that????
Q:YOU WEER IN MY BRIN SROT!!!!!!!!!!
A: You mean blind spot( with some laughter)
Q:Thats rot i sred, YOU WEER IN MY BRIN SROT!!!
A: Well mate these things on the side of the vehicle are called mirrors and if you use them you dont have a brin srot.
Q:No red to be srart! i have rotorcrycle risrence to!
A: So what? hows that going to help me when you knock me off cause im appaerntly in your brin srot.
Q:I ride, so i no do it on prerpes!
A: no thats a far call! you were just total oblivious to me being in your brin srot and are just a normal car driving tool.
Light goes green and he thinks that spinning the wheels and fucking off quick is the solution.
I turned off anyway.
And this one,as hard as its going to be to beleave.Really did happen.
After taking a leaf out of Weasals book i had the chance to test bull shitting out and this is what happen.
I'm lost and pull up to check my directions and this guy comes almost like walking out of what i can only discribe as shrubs and bushes.
I honestly thought at first he was a wino but he was dressed to well for that i think??
any way (remembering i have a suzuki 7/11)
Q: Is that a kawasaki engine in there mate??
A: yep!;)
Q: and you got it in a????? whats that a bimota frame??
A: yeah it is actually!
Q: and?? whats that?? is that a moriwoki swing arm??
A: Yeah it is! fuck it's good to finally meet some one who actually knows what their looking at!! you really know your stuff mate!!
Q: yeah i was really into bikes about 20yrs ago so i know them really well and what i'm looking at!
A: Nice!
Q: Whats that in there?? (pointing at the alt)
A: thats a new inturnal super charger, it actually presurises the under side of the piston instead of the top side.
Q: sweet! it must go alright?? what hp you got??
A: The engine alone puts out about 380-390hp and we could only run 1 psi with the charger cause it was just to out of control.But with this set up it's good for 478hp at the wheel.
Q:awesome!! must be fun to ride??
A: yeah love it, anyway gotta go.
Q:Sweet you ride safe mate thats one special bike you got and you wouldn't want to crash it.
A: yeah cheers
And i leave????????????????????????????????????
WTF????????????? i cant beleave he bought it?????????
As they say bull shit baffels brains?????? Classic:D Poor fuck will be telling all his mates about this bike he saw and if any of them have half an idea hes toast.
papa smurf
01-11-2009, 09:55 AM
Hmmmmm,,,,,I'm liking this "internal supercharger" idea Damo.
You could be on to something there.:D:D
Try the 'negative displacement supercharger' line on the fucktards.
MaCkCiTy
02-11-2009, 11:36 PM
Years ago I had a tiny 15yr old or something trying to start me and a friend out the front of a house party. Some how the conversation turned to bikes and I mentioned I had an 81 GSX250. He started insisting they weren't built till 83 or something. He was a complete tool trying to start a scrap with anyone and he was so small he would have snapped if the breeze picked up. But in his little totty tantrum he pulled over a car and started a fight! Bizzarly the guy who got out was equally as small. The punch on went for about 30minutes with a half time breather and at the end they both walked away unhurt, it was halerious!
hotmilk
03-11-2009, 03:14 PM
quote:Originally posted by MaCkCiTy
Years ago I had a tiny 15yr old or something trying to start me and a friend out the front of a house party. Some how the conversation turned to bikes and I mentioned I had an 81 GSX250. He started insisting they weren't built till 83 or something. He was a complete tool trying to start a scrap with anyone and he was so small he would have snapped if the breeze picked up. But in his little totty tantrum he pulled over a car and started a fight! Bizzarly the guy who got out was equally as small. The punch on went for about 30minutes with a half time breather and at the end they both walked away unhurt, it was halerious!
ummmm...... and???
MaCkCiTy
03-11-2009, 06:58 PM
eh it was a bit long winded. But he was an idiot talking bikes when he obviously didn't know what he was talking about... The specifics of the conversation escape me, all I know he tried to insist the bike in my garage didn't exist.
Q: Is that a turbo ?
A: No its a supercharger.
Q: Why on earth do you want to supercharge a Hayabusa ??
A: Because I want more power ? ?
Goes quiet for a bit while he looks at the bike.....
Q: Are those the supercharger pulleys sticking out the fairing ?
A: No they`re the training wheels for my hampster.
Guy wanders off......
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.