Another ?

[Harry]

Nth Queensland cop's are looking for an Abo basher........
i rang them but apparantly its not a job :(

[Docktor]

Paddy goes in to get a job at a woodmill and the owner goes got any experience ?
Paddy says , I used to work in the sahara forest
Boss goes, thats a desert ya wanker.
Paddy says fuckin is now !

[Docktor]

Paddy n Mick workin as clean up boys for the IRA.
They find 3 hand grenades and Mick says take em back to H.Q
Mick goes get fucked, wot if 1 goes off
Paddy says. easy just tell em ya only found 2.

[Docktor]

Q, You are driving in a car at constant speed.On your right is a fire engine.In front of you is a pig you cant overtake.Behind you is a low-flying helicopter.How do you get out of this dangerous situation?
A, Get of the damn merry-go-round...your drunk.


A talent sout was in outback QLD and found the best player he had ever seen, he could pass, he could catch, he could run. The scout took him back to play in the big league, where he promptly fell to shit,tripping over, missed passes. The new coach calls him over and tells him he is gunna pull him off at half time..
The yokel says great !, in my old team we only used to get a orange.

[Docktor]

A smudge was lookin for a job at a sawmill and the boss didnt really want him there, so he said if u can pick these woods without touching or lookin at em u got the job.

They blindfolded him and tied his hands behind his back so he couldnt touch the wood,then they put him in front of a conveyer belt and sent a log down.The bloke smelt it and said,"That smells like oak from western australia."
Boss"You smartarse, you're right!".
Then they sent down another log and the bloke sniffed it."I know that smell,its pine from eastern victoria." he grinned.
"You're right again, you lucky bastard,but next time we'll get you."
The drag the sexretary out of the office and pull her pants down.
He takes a sniff and after a minute says i not sure , can u turn it over ?
they do as he asks.....
The bloke took a sniff and said,"Ha cant fool me.Its the shithouse door off a prawn trawler ."

[Docktor]

A man walks into a petrol station and says,"Can I please have a Kitkat chunky?"
The lady behind the till gets him a Kitkat Chunky and brings it back to him."No" says the man,"I wanted a normal Kitkat,ya fat cow."

I was at an ATM when an old lady asked me to check her balance.So I pushed her over

[OLD SKOOL BANDIT]

Two fish in a tank. One turned to the other and said, "Hope you can fuken drive this !"

[davio]

paddy sees a bloke who is hangin upside down from a bridge suddenly shove his hands into the water and pull out out a 10 pound trout
he tells mick and they decide to give it a try, so mick hangs paddy over the nearest bridge
after 10 minutes paddy says quick mick ,pull me up
have you got one paddy ? asks mick
no mate , but theres a train comin

[Harry]

arararararararararara :)