Jockney Rebel
17-11-2020, 10:01 PM
Remember the first VCR’s? The ones with the piano keys that made a noise like a gun cocking every time you pressed play?
Well it was that long ago I went to a party in Blackheath, I used to hang out with some trendy types from the local University which just happened to be annexed to my tech college. Anyway... this night was one of those times when the mood was good, the food was good ,and the ‘hood was good.[forgive me]
A close friend of mine got us an invite through a girl he knew, we were a sort of double act, he had the chat, I had the looks [erm] shows you how low the standards were .., for some reason he always ended up with the girl...funny that
So, posh blokes and girls everywhere, we made the rounds and networked a bit. My mate, Matt was making his usual bee-line for the prettiest girl in the place whilst I usually ended up talking to the most interesting girls unfortunately the two mostly don’t go hand in hand if you catch my drift but I preferred the conversation [honestly]!!!
I was always getting introduced to “You’ll like her she’s got a nice personality” girls, by female mates of mine trying to unload there “im not getting pulled with her in tow “friends.
Well all I had to say to that was if their “personality” wasn’t at least 36C I wasn’t interested. I unashamedly admit to being a fan of “the orbs of comfort”.As I grew older size didn’t matter as much as I had thought either !
This particular time I considered myself lucky to be with an attractive, interesting girl [she was doing an ‘ology in something or other] remember… we were apprentice engineers at the time!
Rumoured to be akin to beer swilling Neanderthals, which wasn’t strictly true but not entirely a lie either. Matt was definitely a predator, working class, intelligent sex god, or so he thought. [Well bless him at least he had 1 fan ....himself] and me ? well I was sort of his bait I could talk the leg off a chair and was generally safe as far as he was concerned which meant I was no threat to his hunting skills
Anyway , I tended to be a little on the shy side, women usually had to convince me sufficiently that they REALLY wanted to go to bed, and not to sleep either! If hints were hammers id have had concussion! This was one such time, let me enlighten you…
When we walked into the house she was at the piano in the hall playing “stairway to heaven” I was held there… I don’t think I moved much for a good 2 hours. She was attractive, obviously talented, wearing tight black leather jeans and a sort of lacy blouse thing that was trying really hard to contain a scale model of the Swiss Alps. We spent a long time on the stairs jarring to each other, although I must admit I had some chemical assistance in the talking dept. By the way, word to the wise, NEVER take this substance when there is any chance [even remotely]of sex, it tends to make the equipment take industrial action at the most inopportune time, not always, but like I said I’m not the luckiest of Romeos.
So we talked and talked, covered every possible subject from philosophy and metaphysics to the wonders of Marks and Spencer’s food and music, except of course what was really on my mind…if there was anything else inside her bra apart from flesh ..No really you’d be surprised what I’ve found in those things, paper towels, money even! I reckon they should be had up for false representation well... you think it’s a ‘C’ when it’s really an “EH?’… And while we re on the subject… how can a simple hook defeat the most dexterous of us? Just when you think you’ve mastered it, they move it round the front!!
Have you ladies any idea how hard we train to deftly undo those evil contraptions? Some have sisters to educate them... all my siblings were male and a good bit younger than me so as usual I was at a disadvantage from the off.
The night wore on and the house emptied Matt disappeared with one of the female hosts.
And I was left in the living room with two very pissed physics majors and this girl, the physics guys suggested watching a movie on the newly acquired Video machine, I was relieved [Id run out of stuff to say] and pissed off [cos given some privacy the thought might cross the lady’s mind that jumping me may be a good nightcap] .the fact she was trying to find my tonsils with her tongue was a fair clue.
The only film they had was...Alien... granted a classic and one of my personal favourites, but theres a time and place??
.After 110 minutes of ‘No one hearing you scream in space’ the guys were fast asleep, the moment was at hand … thought I…Playtex’s latest had been overcome, I was about to delve into hitherto unknown realms of ecstasy when…..
The tape ran out and the auto stop feature on the VCR disengaged the piano key buttons with all the noise of an AK47, shit the life out of me!
So I jumped up, my hand still up the unfortunate ladies blouse, both of our scientists to be, awakened to the sight of their housemate topless. They were delighted, she wasn’t.....I was on a red card again
The moment was well and truly crucified…. I walked out into the clear summer dawn some time later thinking; I must’ve been right evil twat in a previous life! and how her kids were gonna get stretch marks on their lips !
Well it was that long ago I went to a party in Blackheath, I used to hang out with some trendy types from the local University which just happened to be annexed to my tech college. Anyway... this night was one of those times when the mood was good, the food was good ,and the ‘hood was good.[forgive me]
A close friend of mine got us an invite through a girl he knew, we were a sort of double act, he had the chat, I had the looks [erm] shows you how low the standards were .., for some reason he always ended up with the girl...funny that
So, posh blokes and girls everywhere, we made the rounds and networked a bit. My mate, Matt was making his usual bee-line for the prettiest girl in the place whilst I usually ended up talking to the most interesting girls unfortunately the two mostly don’t go hand in hand if you catch my drift but I preferred the conversation [honestly]!!!
I was always getting introduced to “You’ll like her she’s got a nice personality” girls, by female mates of mine trying to unload there “im not getting pulled with her in tow “friends.
Well all I had to say to that was if their “personality” wasn’t at least 36C I wasn’t interested. I unashamedly admit to being a fan of “the orbs of comfort”.As I grew older size didn’t matter as much as I had thought either !
This particular time I considered myself lucky to be with an attractive, interesting girl [she was doing an ‘ology in something or other] remember… we were apprentice engineers at the time!
Rumoured to be akin to beer swilling Neanderthals, which wasn’t strictly true but not entirely a lie either. Matt was definitely a predator, working class, intelligent sex god, or so he thought. [Well bless him at least he had 1 fan ....himself] and me ? well I was sort of his bait I could talk the leg off a chair and was generally safe as far as he was concerned which meant I was no threat to his hunting skills
Anyway , I tended to be a little on the shy side, women usually had to convince me sufficiently that they REALLY wanted to go to bed, and not to sleep either! If hints were hammers id have had concussion! This was one such time, let me enlighten you…
When we walked into the house she was at the piano in the hall playing “stairway to heaven” I was held there… I don’t think I moved much for a good 2 hours. She was attractive, obviously talented, wearing tight black leather jeans and a sort of lacy blouse thing that was trying really hard to contain a scale model of the Swiss Alps. We spent a long time on the stairs jarring to each other, although I must admit I had some chemical assistance in the talking dept. By the way, word to the wise, NEVER take this substance when there is any chance [even remotely]of sex, it tends to make the equipment take industrial action at the most inopportune time, not always, but like I said I’m not the luckiest of Romeos.
So we talked and talked, covered every possible subject from philosophy and metaphysics to the wonders of Marks and Spencer’s food and music, except of course what was really on my mind…if there was anything else inside her bra apart from flesh ..No really you’d be surprised what I’ve found in those things, paper towels, money even! I reckon they should be had up for false representation well... you think it’s a ‘C’ when it’s really an “EH?’… And while we re on the subject… how can a simple hook defeat the most dexterous of us? Just when you think you’ve mastered it, they move it round the front!!
Have you ladies any idea how hard we train to deftly undo those evil contraptions? Some have sisters to educate them... all my siblings were male and a good bit younger than me so as usual I was at a disadvantage from the off.
The night wore on and the house emptied Matt disappeared with one of the female hosts.
And I was left in the living room with two very pissed physics majors and this girl, the physics guys suggested watching a movie on the newly acquired Video machine, I was relieved [Id run out of stuff to say] and pissed off [cos given some privacy the thought might cross the lady’s mind that jumping me may be a good nightcap] .the fact she was trying to find my tonsils with her tongue was a fair clue.
The only film they had was...Alien... granted a classic and one of my personal favourites, but theres a time and place??
.After 110 minutes of ‘No one hearing you scream in space’ the guys were fast asleep, the moment was at hand … thought I…Playtex’s latest had been overcome, I was about to delve into hitherto unknown realms of ecstasy when…..
The tape ran out and the auto stop feature on the VCR disengaged the piano key buttons with all the noise of an AK47, shit the life out of me!
So I jumped up, my hand still up the unfortunate ladies blouse, both of our scientists to be, awakened to the sight of their housemate topless. They were delighted, she wasn’t.....I was on a red card again
The moment was well and truly crucified…. I walked out into the clear summer dawn some time later thinking; I must’ve been right evil twat in a previous life! and how her kids were gonna get stretch marks on their lips !