Bum Sniffers

[336LJ]

How do YOU get tail gating fucktards off your ass?
I went around this knob on the way to work the other day and he merged without indicating and nearly collected my back wheel.
The douche, obviously having missed his corner sat up my ass. I turned to face him with the "WTF is your problem cunt" gesture. he looked like a muppet cause I could see his head flapping around like a canadian, but no audio. hilarious.

My brother has the center stand he just pins down with his foot and showers the car thats sitting up his ass in sparks and gravel (which I find amusing, having witnessed these fuckheads trying to run him over.)

I just casually overtook the car that was infront of me but kept the douche trying to kill me close enough so he would keep following me, every time I saw him over take I'd over take another car. then as I got to where I know the traffic is always at a stand still (25min up the road!) Gave him a friendly wave, blew him a kiss and slipped up the inside of the traffic jam. (while hoping not to stack it like a tool and have him run down and have a chop at me.)

In the shit box I used to drive to work I'd just slam the brakes on and wait for the dumb cunts to hit me (as long as no one else was around) but obviously thats not an option on a bike!

What do you guys usually do. Its starting to fuck me off to the point I'd like to have a ventura bag full steel offcuts to hurl at them.

[BANDITROD]

get some old spark plugs and put them in your pocket next time someone tail gates chuck one over your shoulder and that should fix your problem;)

[Lucas]

My old man told me when I was a kid to keep a pocket full of marble sized ball-bearings to flick over your shoulder.

I just do what you did, go faster than they are.


You could always let them get in front of you, wait til you get to some lights, split up next to them then punch in their drivers window then fuck off real quick laughing hysterically

[evilkarl]

I always slow down. I do it progressively and keep watching them in the rear view. They don't even realise they are going so slow until you reach about 30kph.
Also leave a sizable space between you and the car in front, that really pisses them off cause all they want to do is take that space up.
Its even better if there's another slow car in the next lane, they become so wild about driving slow, like its a race to get to the next red light.

The spark plug idea works for me too.

Set the rear brakelight to come on early.....If ya lucky and theres a bit of gravel around knock it down a gear gas it up and spray the cunts.....at 100 it's fucking funny

[Shadowzone]

I generally carry a plastic lunch bag full of ciggy buts and ash which i lob in their windows after they spray me with their smoke flicking it out the window. That upsets them and think of the cleaning bill? or at the least the worki the lazy ignorant mongrels have to do to fix it.

As for the spark plug bit? If someone did that to me I'd probably run them over. But I'm <s>psychotic</s> misunderstood. I do however ensure I slow down enough to get them fuming really really wired then take off again laughing. I also had a mate who in his car got chased by a bloke and (for some imagined slight) at about 130km/hr right at the death changed lanes and left the bloke with nothing but a parked car to say hello to. Not my kind of sport but it was funny.

I actually quite enjoy letting them get in front of me too and kicking off the mirror as I lane split at the next red light. That works.

[336LJ]

haha, I'v done the gravel thing, its awesome. I knew the road had been resealed recently and all the loose stuff was pushed into a nice long pile, just stuck my foot down and made a mess. And When I'v been in the car I'v grabbed my loosely scrunched up subway leftovers and hurled them into someones window. maccas drinks are the best.

My brother is a bit less forgiving, he was following someone else on a bike cause they asked him to do a speedo check. both doing the speed limit and this dickhead in a commodore pushed up between them,
my brother lined this guys mirror up when he stopped to turn right, lanced it with his foot, he said in the rear view mirror it was like an explosion of plastic, even ripped some of the wires out, the car chased him but as we all know bike riders are heaps cool and out ran him.

I'm goin for that ball bearing/plug idea. My luck with kicking someones mirror off I'd get one of those universal ute mirrors made of steel!

Either that or a nice lump of steel I can toss into the back window. when they come past.

[_M_]

The smart thing is just get a margin in front of you for you to stop and him to stop in, ie. your making the gap in front that he has taken behind. Personally I wouldnt want to be an agrevater of the cituation (wow i cant spell).

[EFE 1230]

Best one I've been told about is a windshield washer motor mounted in a small container filled with brake fluid set up to spray a fine mist of fluid out the back of the bike,it covers the car following but the driver won't know whats up until he washes his car and the paint comes off with the dirt. The bloke that told me was Irish and used to courier in London and at one time he had 2 sprayers set up 1 brake fluid, 1 oil. The oil was set up to spray a stream at windscreens of dickhead drivers who would hit the wipers and smear it all over and then have to stop to clean it off. He also had a dislike of black cabs and his trick for them was to break some type of badge off the car and ditch it, the cabbies had to have it on display and couldn't work without them.

[Jockney Rebel]

i just split the traffic abd fuk off in the sure knowledge that ill be home infront of the telly with a beer in me mitt while their still stuck in traffic

[Weaselman]

yup
with 1300cc i just fuck off rapidly nowadays
No point wasting my time with cagers

[Hillsy]

I'm with the "piss off and grab a beer" guys. No point picking fights with moron cagers.

[Azrael]

Mmmm i like beer

[336LJ]

quote:Originally posted by EFE 1230

Best one I've been told about is a windshield washer motor mounted in a small container filled with brake fluid set up to spray a fine mist of fluid out the back of the bike,it covers the car following but the driver won't know whats up until he washes his car and the paint comes off with the dirt. The bloke that told me was Irish and used to courier in London and at one time he had 2 sprayers set up 1 brake fluid, 1 oil. The oil was set up to spray a stream at windscreens of dickhead drivers who would hit the wipers and smear it all over and then have to stop to clean it off. He also had a dislike of black cabs and his trick for them was to break some type of badge off the car and ditch it, the cabbies had to have it on display and couldn't work without them.




I thought about brake fluid, but I'm scungy and would have stolen a mustard bottle from work. Now if only I can work out how to get the squirter to spell FUCK OFF across the bonnet. Or draw a big COCK or something.

[Matt]

quote:Originally posted by Hillsy

I'm with the "piss off and grab a beer" guys. No point picking fights with moron cagers.


Exactly, if you dont like the situation just get the hell away from it. You are going to upset some psycho one day by throwing fucking spark plugs at his car and get yourself run down.

[RED ZX]

and don't forget people, that a bike is generally easier to remember than just another car. especially if you are a member of this site, with a custom bike. They can always get you back in a big way next time out.

[KATO ZX7]

Simple.
Flick of a finger, give them the bird.
Twist of the wrist and your outa there!!
I also like to stand up on the pegs, and slap my arse, as i ride away so they can kiss it!!!!

[Azrael]

quote:Originally posted by KATO ZX7

Simple.
Flick of a finger, give them the bird.
Twist of the wrist and your outa there!!
I also like to stand up on the pegs, and slap my arse, as i ride away so they can kiss it!!!!


Thats funny as fuck.. I love it when people road rage me, i just tell em to pull over, they never do though? Its really quite unsociable i think..

Hmmm...smashed many a mirror until I tried to do it to an old coaster bus and almost broke my fuckn hand

[336LJ]

quote:Originally posted by Azrael


quote:Originally posted by KATO ZX7

Simple.
Flick of a finger, give them the bird.
Twist of the wrist and your outa there!!
I also like to stand up on the pegs, and slap my arse, as i ride away so they can kiss it!!!!


Thats funny as fuck.. I love it when people road rage me, i just tell em to pull over, they never do though? Its really quite unsociable i think..

I think its also got alot to do with the fact that they kinda cant pick their fight real well, when you have a helmet on, and they cant tell how buff you are under all that gear. could be a kickboxer for all they know.
Must be good even if someone fights like a girl, get punched in the head with your stack hat on, it wont hurt!! unless it goes through the visor I guess...

[Azrael]

Nah mate i meant when im driving cars, i dont let people come that close when im riding if i can avoid it, i just smile and say "pull over champ"...and nothing, blank looks or stare straight ahead and avoiding eye contact with me. Its quite rude really..

[336LJ]

quote:Originally posted by Azrael

Nah mate i meant when im driving cars, i dont let people come that close when im riding if i can avoid it, i just smile and say "pull over champ"...and nothing, blank looks or stare straight ahead and avoiding eye contact with me. Its quite rude really..

That is just plain rude, and bordering on disrespectful, like those fuckers that come to your house with someone else, dont introduce themselves, then start drinking your beer. assholes!!

[Shadowzone]

quote:Originally posted by Azrael

Nah mate i meant when im driving cars, i dont let people come that close when im riding if i can avoid it, i just smile and say "pull over champ"...and nothing, blank looks or stare straight ahead and avoiding eye contact with me. Its quite rude really..


It's the smile that does it.

I was headed southbound one day onto the Riverside expressway in BrisVegas in my $200 Celica when some clown I must have cut off was hanging out the window of the car (passenger side) trying to add to the character of my already dinged rust bucket with a steel bar. I swerved towards him to help him hit it and the driver seeing me swerve swerved to avoid me. Right into the concrete side barrier. I was laughing so hard I almost wet myself and of course I continued on my way home.

Some people just shouldn't try and play those kind of games. If I had a maccas thick shake I would have lobbed it at the windscreen of their car cause they do a brilliant job of messing up the screen. especially when their a combo of pig fat and milk.

The break fluid idea and or the oil one sounds good my concern with that is if the oil goes on the road what about the next bike rider through in the wet? I know I know, I'm just an allround great guy always thinking of others...

[flyingfatman]

Well this isnt really a tactic to get rid of the bum sniffers, but its sure as hell fun doing it in city traffic.
Heres how my story goes,

About 4 weeks ago i went riding with a friend, doing as eastern suburbs run and then came back to the city through the cross. coming out of the cross we were going past all those posh car dealerships. I was riding in the right hand lane, and left next to me was a taxi...[xx(]
Up maybey 100 metres ahead there was a vehicle broken down in the taxis lane. I look at the taxi and hes fiddling with his fucking radio. Just as we get close to the broken down vehicle, the cunt of a taxi driver decides that hed break for a second then Jam himself into my lane(mind you we were still about parrallel to each other. I sorta saw this coming and had enough time to swerve into the oncoming traffic lane a bit, where there were no cars coming luckily. Now he swerves back into his lane, i ride up next to him and start screaming at him with all that ive got, he then proceeds on to calling me a young little cunt, get off the fucking road and all that sorta shit. I screamed you nearly fucking killed me you stupid fucking old cunt and your telling me to get off the road? then he told me to fuck myself and sped off.
The beauty of this situation was that he got stuck at some traffic lights. He was turning left and there were pedestrians crossing so he had to wait while my lane of traffic was moving on nicely. so i was told my friend to watch this. Lane split to his car kicked his right rear door and dented it and punched off his mirror (thank god for boots and carbon fibre knuckles:D:D)

im not ussually one to road rage on my bike but that old arsewanking cockmunching grandpa pushed my buttons in just the right way

[-Dex-]

I just fuck off out of there. A few years ago, a mate of mine was riding through Redfern late one night and these two boy racers were cutting him up repeatedly and on purpose and generally just acting like tools.

Anyway, he flips them the bird and fucks off out of there. He stops at the next lights and one of them pulls in front of him and the other pulls up behind. 4 of the pussies get out of the cars and proceed to throw him a beating, they were nice enough to remove his jacket and helmet so that he didn't have any protection, and stabbed him with a screwdriver for their trouble. They also kicked his bike over cracking the engine case so he couldn't ride it.

Long story short, he was ok after a couple of days in hospital and a few hundred bucks later his bike was ok too. He now carries a .410 sawn off in his panniers and is the type of guy who will use it too so I wouldnt want to be the poor bastard that fucks with him on the road again.

Moral of the story, twist the wrist and get the fuck out of there. It works for me.

[336LJ]

quote:Originally posted by Shadowzone
It's the smile that does it.

I was headed southbound one day onto the Riverside expressway in BrisVegas in my $200 Celica when some clown I must have cut off was hanging out the window of the car (passenger side) trying to add to the character of my already dinged rust bucket with a steel bar. I swerved towards him to help him hit it and the driver seeing me swerve swerved to avoid me. Right into the concrete side barrier. I was laughing so hard I almost wet myself and of course I continued on my way home.

Some people just shouldn't try and play those kind of games. If I had a maccas thick shake I would have lobbed it at the windscreen of their car cause they do a brilliant job of messing up the screen. especially when their a combo of pig fat and milk.

The break fluid idea and or the oil one sounds good my concern with that is if the oil goes on the road what about the next bike rider through in the wet? I know I know, I'm just an allround great guy always thinking of others...




If anyone saw the horrid faded, dinged up red pintara sedan I drove to work for years (just fucked it off the other week actually) you'd have seen me driving in even the busiest traffic, and not have a single car around me lol.
It was that fucked up nobody wanted to get close to it thinking perhaps thats how I got all my dents. thats the car where if someone would sit up my ass, I'd drop it into as low a gear as possible, and slam on the brakes and brace for impact.
I also did the "Swerve at them to give them a better chance" and the look goes from "im gonna smesh u cont, to oh no my VN bruz,help"

Best time I had in that car was when some asshole and his passenger fed me a torrent of abuse, after HE cut me off, and I went out onto gravel on the side of the road (big truck turnaround) and took out about 10 steel guide posts while staring at him the whole time with a demented look on my face.

I just wanted to make friends :(

I have issues with stupid people and find it hard to walk away from someone being a fuck head to me, but I'm starting to agree with the theory just leg it on the bike, I dont think I need to be run over if some dickhead cleans me up (on purpose or not) plus my number plate is heaps easy to remember. I might just do what my old man does. follow them to their house. at least they cant run you over parked in the driveway.

Rock up one night and go all pro hart with the brake fluid.

[StuNVA]

Some old duck pulled out in front of me at a roundabout the other day, I thought if she cant see me she may not have been able to hear me either. So I pulled along side about a foot away from her window (which was down luckily) and bounced off the rev limiter for a few seconds, she was petrified but I bet she looks next time.

[chadams]

hehe... don't bother trying to get even when on the bike, they will just get pissed off and run you over. The cops won't give a shit as you were riding a motorbike and won't be around to defend yourself... I fight cager with a bigger cage.... I get my own back through the use of a 940se volvo I picked up for $3000... I don't care what happens too it...
I've had a few tools tailgate me, so I just put the abs brakes to good use.. hehe... then when they go to overtake me I put the turbo to use and merge in front of them .... they get really pissed off. But fuck em if they do that shit to me in a volvo, I can only imagine what they would do to me on the bike.........

[-Dex-]

Ever driven a truck in Shitney traffic Chadams?

Trust me dude, no matter what your riding/driving the fuckheads will always be there.

Don't get me started on fucking taxis!

[Weaselman]

Right on man!

been a syd truckie for years

[JackTar]

There is a lot of angst on this site.

[morrigan]

I'd like a dollar for every near miss I've had since living in Shitney. Bike, car, truck, doesn't matter what you're operating, the cockheads are out to kill you!

[Shadowzone]

Everytime I've been through Sydney in the Double the traffic has been pretty good. Everyone seems to get the hell away from it. Maybe cause it looks like it's just come from out bush somewhere and shouldn't be on the roads. Well everyone Except for the tool at Richmond who sent me the wrong way followed by the clown in his Daihatsu "Car looking thing" that refused to reverse so I could get round the corner. The highway patrolman was killing himself laughing when I asked him if the road I turned into was the one I needed. He still knocked me off though. Apparently taking out traffic lights instead of running over idiot car drivers is neg driving down there. I wrote a letter and it was withdrawn. The off B-Double route wasn't. But such is life.

I did in Brisbane have a tool put the bonnet of his hilux under my rear tri-axle though. Then he swore at me when I got out and said - "Mate you musta missed the memo bout hiluxes not being unbreakable when you slot em under a loaded semi trailer's axles."

No sense of humour that bloke...

[EFE 1230]

My uncle has been running adel/syd for 30+ years his last incident involved a "new" Australian taxi driver who tried to squeeze his shiny new taxi between a row of parked cars and my uncle's fully loaded semi at 60kph...... it got stuck against the fuel tanks then the drive wheels then caught on the trailer legs and dragged along 9 of the parked cars!!

[Davekwaka98]

I fuckoff on the bike pull up around the coner so they dont get my plate then take to the cunts while their still in their cars asking who's got the upper hand now cunt.p.s just gotta watch out for the hero witness and I'm always in the shit with the law so dont listen to me.

[ashcook]

let the bastards over take you again, then ride their ass for a bit. when you get the chance, go past them with your leg out and take off their mirror. it surprises the fuck out of them and they pop off pretty easily. doing stand up wheelies in front of them tends to get them worked up too. especially the dumb asses in four cylinders who try to drag race you off the lights

[Fight_fan]

quote:Originally posted by ashcook

the dumb asses in four cylinders who try to drag race you off the lights


God those wankers shit me! [}:)] N why do the majority of em wear their hoodies up while they drive, music blaring? Fuckin dickwads! :(

[Shadowzone]

Cause its phully siiick maaaaaaaate....

[Weaselman]

i tore the front of an xr8 in my kenny when the chick stuck half her car out of a side street to see what was coming down the road in an 80 zone.

I managed to remove everything from the firewall foward

[ashcook]

quote:Originally posted by Fight_fan


quote:Originally posted by ashcook

the dumb asses in four cylinders who try to drag race you off the lights


God those wankers shit me! [}:)] N why do the majority of em wear their hoodies up while they drive, music blaring? Fuckin dickwads! :(


What I don't fucking understand is these idiots listening to an Ipod through headphones while driving, whats wrong with the fucking stereo an arms length away? maybe its because they have one hand on the wheel and the other on their dick?

[Weaselman]

my car doesnt have a radio:(

[Brodie]

Cheer up Emu Kids! ;) Just wear steel cap boots and steel reinforced kevlar gloves. These people need to feel the wrath!! (Disclaimer....If you do this, dont blame me....LOL)

[SatinFS]

i have 1000's of songs on the ipod, and don't have the tuner to play it through the car......soooo headphones. not very often tho

Does this include punching fuck out of another rider for overtaking ya on a multi lane road on the left in the same lane ?

[336LJ]

I just know I'd smack someone's mirror off and it would pull me off the bike into a sorry heap on the road, perfect placement for a "gangsta" style gang fight boot to the skull (if "insert name of soft cock here" and his 4 mates dont all kick me to death while I'm down)

Those ricer fags are the exact reason I got my H8 RICE numberplates on my torana. nothing beats overtaking those shit boxes mid burnout and giving them a mouthfull of tire smoke. My mates used to point at the cars, then at the plates. and let em know :P fuck i miss those days

[Johnnay]

Ok, what's with the "flapping like a canadian" in the OP??? what the hell does that mean?

Up here, we're so polite even the roadragers will apologize if you stare them down while riding a motorcycle (oh dear!) and wearing a helmet with a dark visor (oh my!). If that doesn't work, I'll apologize, because it must have been my fault. :D:D