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hyofighter
05-06-2008, 12:53 AM
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM h ad developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........

Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

I love the next one!!!

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

newf fighter
05-06-2008, 02:52 AM
"Are you sure?" LOL GOLD.

Fight_fan
05-06-2008, 07:22 AM
Lol! Very Funny! :D

BANDITROD
05-06-2008, 10:37 AM
love it hahahahahahaha

motogp_nut
05-06-2008, 06:54 PM
LMAO

Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness (TM) to be the new industry standard.

:D

336LJ
06-06-2008, 01:35 AM
quote:Originally posted by motogp_nut

LMAO

Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness (TM) to be the new industry standard.

:D


LOL @ both jokes, thats awesome.

reminds me of when I was in computer studies, my mate was looking up porn and our wee little indian substitute teacher shouts "mattyew. clozz dat window NOW!!" and my mate stood up and shut the sliding glass window behind the computer desk ,pissed myself

morrigan
06-06-2008, 05:30 PM
CUSTOMER SERVICE

This has got to be one of the funniest I've heard of in a long time. I think
this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the
"WordPerfect Helpline" which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the
customer care department.
Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired however, he is currently
suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause." This is
the actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee(now I
know why they record these conversations)
"Rich Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a
little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord
goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the
wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables
plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other
cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of
your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from
the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then." >
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power failure."
"A power.......a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do
you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came
in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was
when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."