You know your an Aussie when..... [Archive]

View Full Version : You know your an Aussie when.....

chopiesel

31-05-2008, 07:14 PM

fair is fair, we have all had a dig at the Poms,

ill start

1. your dash mat on your car is a carlton drought bar runner

Cruisecontrol

31-05-2008, 07:27 PM

You’re familiar with Neighbours, Home and Away, Playschool, A Country Practice, Norman Gunston, Barry Humphries, Blue Heelers, Ray Martin, Bert Newton, Lisa McCune, Jon Burgess, Number 96, Molly Meldrum, Kerry O’Brien, and of course, Kerry Packer and Rupert Murdoch.

You know that Burger King doesn’t exist. It’s Hungry Jacks.

You know that snow is a memorable and freakish occurrence. Sometimes it’s even fake.

You know the difference between thongs and a G-string.

You know that “stubbies” are either short shorts or small beer bottles, a “gimp”, “bogan” or “geezer” is a random idiot, someone in trouble is in “strife” and you’re liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans “rooting” for something.

You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in -o: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto etc.

You know that some ppl pronounce Australia like “Strayla” and that’s ok.

You know that there is a universal place called “woop woop” located in the middle of nowhere… no matter where you actually are.

You know that while we call our friends ‘mates’, we don’t use terms like ’sheila’ and ’shrimp on the barbie’, contrary to popular belief.

You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like shit. But we let the world think we do. Because we can.

You’ve seen Gallipoli, Crocodile Dundee, Young Einstein, Muriel’s Wedding, The Castle, Beneath Clouds, Strictly Ballroom, 40,000 Horsemen, and maybe even WolfCreek.

It makes you happy when someone in Hollywood is actually Australian… Mel Gibson, Nicole Kidman, Russell Crowe, Cate Blanchett, Baz Luhrman, Elle MacPherson, Olivia Newton-John, Midnight Oil, ACDC, INXS, Greg Norman, Cathy Freeman, Dawn Fraser, Pat Rafter, Ian Thorpe…

One word: Skippy.

You know that Sydney 2000 was one of our proudest moments in history. We just fucking rock.

You know that you are not going to die of cholera or other Third World diseases (remote Aboriginal communities are a different matter)

You know our country has never been conquered by a foreign nation (you don’t count 1788).

We know that the Metric system will always be better than anything inches, feet, pounds and fahrenheit will ever offer.

You drive on the left-hand side of the road.

If you’re a pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will fearlessly cross the street in front of them. ‘Hit and runs’ just aren’t cricket. Because Aussies stick together.

You know that New Zealanders are basically our naive country cousins, who have a weird fush-and-chups accent and, for some bizare reason, think that they invented pavlova. They are to be pitied. They have no hope of gaining the upper hand in the endless sporting rivalry between our two nations.

You know that you can’t eat Fantales alone… Otherwise who will you play the ‘Who am I…’ game with when you’re reading the wrapper?

You know that Sydney should be the capital, because Canberra is a hole.

You know that Americans think we’re all Steve Irwin clones. And crickey, they couldn’t be more wrong.

You know that lawyers wear wigs and gowns. And we make it look good.

You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume.

You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread… and actually grow to like it. You’ve also squeeze Vegemite through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.

You believe that democracy means the freedom to draw caricatures of good ol’ Johnny Howard.

You have the ability to compress several words into one - ie ‘g’day’ and ‘d’reckn?’. This allows more space for profanities.

You’ve ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet - to mean good. And then you place ‘bloody’ in front of it when you REALLY mean it.

You know that the barbeque is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the salad.

You say ‘no worries’ quite often, whether you realise it or not.

You know what fairy bread tastes like, and you can’t imagine your childhood without it.

You know the first verse to the national anthem, but still don’t know what “girt” means. And you’re ok with that.

You’ve drank your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam.

You know that backyard cricket is a nice way to bond with family and the rubbish bin. And the ‘one bounce, one hand’ rule always applies.

You know that we are home to the just about all of the world’s deadliest of animals. That’s why if anybody messes with us we’ll get some funnel webs on their asses.

You see people walking bare-foot on the sidewalk and don’t scorn…. because you’re doing it too.

You know that in summer a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron.
You know what trop-fest is and it makes you happy.
Sausage rolls and meat pies. End of story.

You firmly believe that in the end, everything will be ok and have offered advice that included the words, “she’ll be right, mate”.

You have a story that somehow involves an excessive consumption of booze… but you can’t remember.

You own a Bond’s chesty. In several different colours.

You’ve ordered a steak the size as your head and only paid $5 at your local RSL.

You know that Italy should never have been granted that fateful kick in the 2006 Soccer World Cup.

You know how to slip, slop, slap like it’s nobody’s business.

You’ve heard the Prime Minister dismiss anyone who disagrees with him simply as ‘un-Australian’, and that’s enough to make us sit down and shut up.

You know that the value of a public holiday is measured in terms of alchohol. God bless the queen and her 4-day birthday.

You refer to someone you like as “a total bastard”, but call someone you don’t like “a bit of a bastard”.

You know there’s no lbw in backyard cricket, and over the fence is out.

You know Drop Bears exist. Positively.

You know you that roo meat tastes pretty good, but not as good as barra. Or a meat pie.

You know Australia IS the best bloody place on earth. Bar none.

You've mimicked Alf Stewart from the TV show Home and Away's broad, Australian accent, eg. "push off, ya flamin' drongo !"

You've had an argument with your mate over whether Ford or Holden makes the better car !

You've done the "hot sand" dance at the beach while running from the ocean back to your towel.

You know who Ray Martin is !

You start using words like "reckon" and call people "mate".

You stop greeting people with "hello" and go straight to the "how ya doin' ?"

You've seriously considered running down the shop in a pair of Ugg Boots.

You own a pair of ugg boots.

You've been to a day-nighter cricket match and screamed out incomprehensibly until your throat went raw.

You kind of know the first verse to the national anthem, but don't know what "girt" means.

You have a story that somehow revolves around excess consumption of alcohol and a mate named "Davo".

You've risked attending an outdoor music festival on the hottest day of the year.

You've tried to hang off a clothesline while pretending you can fly.

You've had a visit to the emergency room after hanging off the clothesline pretending you can fly.

You own a pair of thongs for everyday use, and another pair of "dress thongs" for special occasions.

You don't know what's in a meat pie, and you don't care.

You pronounce Australia as "Stralya".

You call soccer soccer, not football.

You've squeezed Vegemite through vita wheat to make little Vegemite worms.

You suck your coffee through a Tim Tam.

You realise that lifeguards are the only people who can get away with wearing Speedos.

You pledge allegiance to Vegemite over Promite.

You understand the value of public holidays.

Your weekends are spent barracking for your favourite sports team.

You have a toilet dolly.

Your Mum or Nan made it.

You've played beach cricket with a tennis ball and a bat fashioned out of a fence post.

You firmly believe that in the end, everything will be ok, and have told a mate in tough times that "She'll be right, mate".

You use the phrase, "no worries" at least once a day.

You've been on a beach holiday and have probably stayed in a caravan.

You constantly shorten words to "brekkie", "arvo" and "barbie"

You've adopted a local bar as yours.

You know the oath of mateship can never be limited by geographical distance.

You measure a journey in beer, not kilometres or time. (That's a 3 beer trip mate).

You know the meaning of the word "girt".

You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.

You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.

You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.

When you hear that an American "roots for his team" you wonder how often and with whom.

You understand that the phrase "a group of women wearing black thongs" refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

You pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin".

You pronounce Penrith as "Pen-riff".

You believe the "l" in the word "Australia" is optional.

You can translate: "Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas."

You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

You call your best friend "a total bastard" but someone you really, truly despise is just "a bit of a bastard".

You think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.

You understand that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga" but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy".

You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread.

You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

Hamburger. Beetroot. Of course.

You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.

You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

You still don't get why the "Labor" in "Australian Labor Party" is not spelt with a "u".

You wear ugh boots outside the house.

You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.

You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.

Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

You understand that "excuse me" can sound rude, while "scuse me" is always polite.

You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.

You understand that "you" has a plural and that it's "youse".

You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.

Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.

You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call "Anzac cookies".

You still think of Kylie as "that girl off Neighbours".

When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit.

You believe the phrase "smart casual" refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.

You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.

When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.

You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.

You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says "cobber".

And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.

Did I miss any?

suxukifreak

31-05-2008, 07:31 PM

Cruise wins [:0]

hooligan

31-05-2008, 07:54 PM

"we'll get some funnel webs on their asses."
Except it's arse, not ass.

Weaselman

31-05-2008, 08:09 PM

Im not going to ignite the row over wagon wheels again

Iceman

31-05-2008, 08:38 PM

quote:Did I miss any?
No, but you doubled up on a few.

Cruisecontrol

31-05-2008, 08:40 PM

Do you think i actually read them? :D

xb9r

31-05-2008, 08:48 PM

What cruise said but covered in vegemite and lamingtons

papa smurf

31-05-2008, 08:55 PM

quote:Originally posted by Weaselman

Im not going to ignite the row over wagon wheels again

Don't fuckin start me on wagon wheels.
They're nearly the size of smarties now.:(:(

Oh & you eat the red smarties last.

ozkat

31-05-2008, 09:27 PM

Onya Cruisa, what you put up should be a test for people wanting to stay in "Stralya" if they dont get 100% first time fuckem off back to where they came from.

Lucas

01-06-2008, 03:37 PM

When you puddles look like your country

http://www.streetfighters.com.au/forum/upload/22114224333826.jpg

papa smurf

01-06-2008, 03:57 PM

quote:Originally posted by Lucas

When you puddles look like your country

http://www.streetfighters.com.au/forum/upload/22114224333826.jpg

Now that's cool.[8D][8D]

Gix11

06-06-2008, 04:56 PM

....this seems a familiar workplace:

http://www.streetfighters.com.au/forum/upload/105756148464851.jpg

morrigan

06-06-2008, 05:37 PM

You know that the "T" in Minto is silent

Bear

06-06-2008, 06:34 PM

"You see people walking bare-foot on the sidewalk and don’t scorn…. because you’re doing it too."

Cruise, you should read it all cause we have grouse footpaths, not pansy sidewalks.

Jockney Rebel

07-06-2008, 01:16 AM

110. you know there is no letter "r" in the alphabet ie 'shaks' and 'cahs'
111. your accent is a cockney accent slowed down for the heat
112..you get here off the boat/plane and within 18months are not ,dead or deported
113. your renowned all over the world for your bar skills
114. you think its perfectly acceptable to have xmas in june
115 you dont give a fuk what anyone thinks its your gaff and your rules
116 you know your the only nation lucky enuf to have 20% of the worlds uranium , but sensible enuf to get rid of it for large sums of money to somebody else.
...and last but not least ..
117. you welcome anyone with open arms and give em a "fair go" as long as they 'play the game' 'and make the effort
i hereby officailly annouce australians as the most unselfish nation on earth ,an nation of immigrants from all over the planet whove moulded a demi paradise thru sheer grit and determination and are still willing to share it with anyone willing to "roll their sleeves up "

alfiestorm

07-06-2008, 09:25 AM

You know you are an Aussie when you wake up and think you are an American oh which highway was that I was on or was that a freeway !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fight_fan

07-06-2008, 09:37 AM

quote:Originally posted by papa smurf

quote:Originally posted by Weaselman

Im not going to ignite the row over wagon wheels again

Don't fuckin start me on wagon wheels.
They're nearly the size of smarties now.:(:(

Oh & you eat the red smarties last.

My girlfriend doesn't understand why I always save the red smarties til last! I told her not doin it was just un-australian & now I have proof! Aah HA! I think it may be time to kick her arse to the kerb & find someone who understands these things! Lol!:D[B)]

Lucas

07-06-2008, 12:43 PM

quote:Originally posted by Fight_fan

quote:Originally posted by papa smurf

quote:Originally posted by Weaselman

Im not going to ignite the row over wagon wheels again

Don't fuckin start me on wagon wheels.
They're nearly the size of smarties now.:(:(

Oh & you eat the red smarties last.

They have smarties in the dulla???:D;)

My girlfriend doesn't understand why I always save the red smarties til last! I told her not doin it was just un-australian & now I have proof! Aah HA! I think it may be time to kick her arse to the kerb & find someone who understands these things! Lol!:D[B)]

Lucas

07-06-2008, 12:52 PM

quote:Originally posted by alfiestorm

You know you are an Aussie when you wake up and think you are an American oh which highway was that I was on or was that a freeway !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think you mean you KNOW American's as Seppo's and you hate everything about the place, just the accents piss you off and your wife has to stop you throwing out your bub's toys because they talk in fucking Seppo:D

Snortin

11-06-2008, 08:31 PM

Quote originally posted by Fight_Fan

"My girlfriend doesn't understand why I always save the red smarties til last! I told her not doin it was just un-australian & now I have proof! Aah HA! I think it may be time to kick her arse to the kerb & find someone who understands these things! Lol!"

Aussies call it a gutter mate, not a kerb unless they want 2 sound technical and then they'll call it curb and channel

Weaselman

11-06-2008, 08:38 PM

quote:Originally posted by Lucas

quote:Originally posted by alfiestorm

You know you are an Aussie when you wake up and think you are an American oh which highway was that I was on or was that a freeway !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think you mean you KNOW American's as Seppo's and you hate everything about the place, just the accents piss you off and your wife has to stop you throwing out your bub's toys because they talk in fucking Seppo:D

But you love their old cars...

Cruisecontrol

11-06-2008, 08:59 PM

rod185651

11-06-2008, 10:56 PM

Bear

11-06-2008, 11:02 PM