straight from her mouth

[Arron_01r1]

thought i might try to start up a new topic called straight from her mouth, based on the stupid yet cute..... na just stupid things our better halfs has to say.


after a conversation with the mrs about her brother losing the tip of his finger, i was asked by her, fingers grow back........ dont they?

[xb9r]

Do you want sex :D

[Arron_01r1]

hahaha, yes thats about as stupid as it gets

[chopiesel]

i was watching commonwealth games and she asked why america was going so bad

[JackTar]

quote:Originally posted by chopiesel

i was watching commonwealth games and she asked why america was going so bad


Fucking gold Uncle Chop :D

[JackTar]

Speaking of america though my ex wife once asked me when XMAS was in america.

[Jockney Rebel]

the wife : the cars broke down..
me :where are you?
her : in the car stupid

[Arron_01r1]

im happy this is going well,:)

[JackTar]

My wife asked me what star sign I am, our birthdays are the same day.

[Lucas]

I can't remember off the top of my head but there have been some corkers, rolling on the ground laughing so hard a drop of wee comes out type of corker.

[Azrael]

My ex killed two cars while we were together (3ish yrs), drove em till they blew up, backed my ute into poles, ran speed cameras in my ute, filled her last car with water, yes the entire engine with water through the rocker cover new years day just gone, and without fail everytime laughed. Seriously, her response "haha ooops, well you can fix it poohead!(insert cheeky but cute grin here)"... I shit you not..

[JackTar]

quote:Originally posted by Azrael

My ex killed two cars while we were together (3ish yrs), drove em till they blew up, backed my ute into poles, ran speed cameras in my ute, filled her last car with water, yes the entire engine with water through the rocker cover new years day just gone, and without fail everytime laughed. Seriously, her response "haha ooops, well you can fix it poohead!(insert cheeky but cute grin here)"... I shit you not..


You should have stabbed her in the face.

[Azrael]

I did.. Porksword..

[336LJ]

quote:Originally posted by Azrael

I did.. Porksword..


BAhahaha

[Lucas]

Last night, I asked her(wifey) the question floating around on someones sig..(can't remember who's).


'If a man speaks alone in a forest, is he still wrong'??

She had a little giggle and replied

'If a man's alone in a forest, can't he fucking stay there'!!!!


I almost pissed I laughed so much:D:D:D

[Fight_fan]

Lol! Thats funny Lucas!

Last night my ms. came out with a corker!
She just got home from shopping @ coles after work (good girl) & after a stop to the grog shop to buy me some beer (awesome girl)!
When she got home she started rummaging thru her wallet claiming she'd lost $25 in the mayhem of having full hands! 5mins later she starts peaking out to the point where I nearly had to slap her down 4 being so annoying! [B)]:D Then suddenly she stops n goes..."Oh, was my wallet empty or did I already have $25 in it!" [:I]

I just lost it laughing! On the floor, side splitting style! :D
Fuck me! Its lucky ur so cute girl!
;)

[Tony Nitrous]

Mate and I were talking about Grey-Imports (un-official imports)
when his Mrs piped up "Can you get them in any other colour?"

[Matt]

There was an ad on TV a few years ago showing a 600ml carton of milk and they said that it only had 2% fat, my sister in-law pipes up "I wonder how much is in a 2 litre though?" LOL

[Chris41]

GF A while back, after needing a rebuild on a rattly Celica "I thought that red light would go out after a couple of days"

[Jockney Rebel]

..heres a classic
me bro and i were working in holland and his g/f at the time said "do they have left hand drive motorbikes then"

[Benz]

quote:Originally posted by Lucas

Last night, I asked her(wifey) the question floating around on someones sig..(can't remember who's).


'If a man speaks alone in a forest, is he still wrong'??

She had a little giggle and replied

'If a man's alone in a forest, can't he fucking stay there'!!!!


I almost pissed I laughed so much:D:D:D

:D:D

[morrigan]

This is not just confined to women...
Bloke I knew a few years back also put water in the engine of his mazda... good thing it wasn't a good car!
Daughter's ex asked a friend of mine if his Busa was automatic - after claiming that he'd worked on bikes most of his life!

[Jockney Rebel]

tru i got asked by some bloke pertaining to tune 2strokes if i d check his valves [ this was pre power valve days]

[StuNVA]

Wife gets out of bed at 11am today, school holidays you know, reading a book or something.

She comes up to me at 5pm, "that boy hasnt got off the xbox all day you know, god he's lazy"

Shit hey, where did he learn that.

[dazz]

Menu at the restaurant read "...Green king prawns on a sizzling platter...."

Wife replies "I'm not going to get those"

I ask "Why not?"

Wife says "I only like the orange ones"[8D]

[pommybstd]

not a girl thing, but someone else mentioned a daughter's ex.

my step-daughter started dating this total wanker of a guy who claimed (at the age of 19) that he was the Chief Superintendent of a nearby fire brigade (berowra, in case you are interested)..
He would constantly check who was calling him on the screen of his mobile before answering VERY loudly with "CHIEF SUPER!" and walking away to sound important.

One day, taking him to "work" at the fire station (me driving, wife in passenger seat, step brat and idiot boyfriend in the back) he starts telling us how to fight fires. My mrs then points out that everything he said was wrong cos she was married to a navy firefighter previously (true). then he goes red for a bit.
Then he starts trying to say how i can drive faster by using advanced fireman driving techniques. I told him he was wrong because I used to teach advanced driving back in England (also true)..

Then, we pulled up at the fire station and he says thanks and jumps out and says, you best not hang around, there might be a fire or something. But I get out the car. I point out that as the "chief super" he can give me a tour of the fire station.

He starts to cry. Like really cry. and the fire fighters come outside to see what's going on. I tell them that he's their boss (which they seemed confused at), then i get in the car and drive off to see them stood around this idiot, sat on the floor crying like a baby.

Moral of the story, don't piss me off. lol

(sorry that was a bit long)

[Weaselman]

long but worth it...

how in fuck did he get a job at the fire house?
or was he going to knick off to the shops when you were gone cus he was full of shit about that too?

[Lucas]

That turned around to bite him in the arse:D


A few weeks back, a friend of my wife was asking what we feed Davii (10 mth old Daughter).

Wife..... "Just blended veg with red meat, fish or chicken, but she really preferes the fish over the others"

Wife's friend......"She really likes fish, maybe she'll be a vegiterian" [:0][:o)][:p]

[Fight_fan]

WTF! I h8 how some people dont count fish as meat! IDIOTS![}:)]

[Lucas]

Typical beauty therapist FF,

[morrigan]

Was she the pole dancing blonde that fell on her head?

[Lucas]

Nah, not that stoopid ;)

[Bear]

quote:Originally posted by pommybstd

not a girl thing, but someone else mentioned a daughter's ex.

my step-daughter started dating this total wanker of a guy who claimed (at the age of 19) that he was the Chief Superintendent of a nearby fire brigade (berowra, in case you are interested)..
He would constantly check who was calling him on the screen of his mobile before answering VERY loudly with "CHIEF SUPER!" and walking away to sound important.

One day, taking him to "work" at the fire station (me driving, wife in passenger seat, step brat and idiot boyfriend in the back) he starts telling us how to fight fires. My mrs then points out that everything he said was wrong cos she was married to a navy firefighter previously (true). then he goes red for a bit.
Then he starts trying to say how i can drive faster by using advanced fireman driving techniques. I told him he was wrong because I used to teach advanced driving back in England (also true)..

Then, we pulled up at the fire station and he says thanks and jumps out and says, you best not hang around, there might be a fire or something. But I get out the car. I point out that as the "chief super" he can give me a tour of the fire station.

He starts to cry. Like really cry. and the fire fighters come outside to see what's going on. I tell them that he's their boss (which they seemed confused at), then i get in the car and drive off to see them stood around this idiot, sat on the floor crying like a baby.

Moral of the story, don't piss me off. lol

(sorry that was a bit long)


I enjoyed that. A good read. :D
I worked with a guy similiar, always claimed to have once been a drummer with Midnight Oil. Why do some people feel they have to lie so badly to impress?

[Large]

Ken oath.

There's only one ex Midnight Oil drummer and it's me

[JackTar]

quote:Originally posted by Fight_fan

WTF! I h8 how some people dont count fish as meat! IDIOTS![}:)]


The other night my missus I got into an argument about bear shit being good for the forest (don't ask) she thought it was I thought it wasn't she said all shit is good for gardens I said no shit from meat eaters is not good thats why dog shit doesn't work, she said bears don't eat meat they eat fish, I said really? What are fish made of then darling to which she answered fish flesh (I think she knew I was right at this point but would not submit.)

[Fight_fan]

quote:Originally posted by Lucas

Typical beauty therapist FF,


Is ur missus a beauty therapist? So is mine![:0] Weird huh! Its a cunt of an industry I rekon![xx(]

[Lucas]

quote:Originally posted by Fight_fan


quote:Originally posted by Lucas

Typical beauty therapist FF,


Is ur missus a beauty therapist? So is mine![:0] Weird huh! Its a cunt of an industry I rekon![xx(]


Nah, she's not, her friend who thinks fish are vegi's is.

[Fight_fan]

^^^Ahh! I understand now...Stand by my comments still tho!

Hey did u decide if ur coming to Wollongong for the ride up to Sydney on tuesday??? The Iceman's riding 600k's up from Vic 4 it! Fuckin keen hey!
Come on! U got shit all else to do! I'l meet u in dulla n we'l ride up!

[pommybstd]

sorry for the delay guys - i honestly don't think that he got a job at the fire station at all.. my suspicions first started at a local fireworks show (in brooklyn, nsw) which is put on by the local bush fire brigade..

'chief super' walks over to them to see "if they needed any help". you've never seen a group of men look so damn confused.

Oh, while I'm on the subject, there's some other idiot friend (16yo) who swore-blind that he was a vampire and was actually 600 years old. I shit you not. My response was to put out my pocket knife and shout "COOL! lemme stab you and see what happens!!!"

[Fight_fan]

quote:Originally posted by pommybstd

sorry for the delay guys - i honestly don't think that he got a job at the fire station at all.. my suspicions first started at a local fireworks show (in brooklyn, nsw) which is put on by the local bush fire brigade..

'chief super' walks over to them to see "if they needed any help". you've never seen a group of men look so damn confused.

Oh, while I'm on the subject, there's some other idiot friend (16yo) who swore-blind that he was a vampire and was actually 600 years old. I shit you not. My response was to put out my pocket knife and shout "COOL! lemme stab you and see what happens!!!"


Fuck me! How come u get all the good ones mate! What a dickhead! What was Vlad the pretend Vampire's reaction to that? [^] Good work! ;)

[pommybstd]

I didn't catch his reaction to be honest, I was laughing too hard.

Pretty easy answer to how I am inflicted with these people - the stepbrat is a weirdo. :D

[morrigan]

Teenage girls attract idiot teenage boys. It comes with the territory I guess.
Another "incident" with my daughter involved a 6'2" ITB (idiot teen boy) calling her a slut. She, understandably, reacted badly to this and punched him in the face, giving him a lovely black eye. She was suspended from school for a week because he dobbed her in to the principal!
His father, when informed of the incident, burst out laughing and wanted to congratulate her on a well placed punch.

[Bear]

These stories are friggin funny. Good reading.
Keep 'em coming please. :D

[Weaselman]

I have stories about the missus but i cant tell you... shes watching... and has the spare keys to my bike...