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Gix11
02-11-2007, 03:16 PM
From Billy Whizz:

Self Examination

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitley on the verge on being a fudgepacker.

TurboKat
02-11-2007, 05:27 PM
It's amazing, Billy's just described all Latheboy's personality traits in one hit. [^]

latheboy
03-11-2007, 08:47 AM
Hey fuck you hippy:(
I seen you checking to see if your beer was made with organic water :D:D

puppet
06-11-2007, 08:54 PM
I am somewhat offended. Oh and just what exactly is a meat whistle?

puppet
06-11-2007, 09:04 PM
Standard colours being: Avacado Watermelon Mocha Aubergine Cerise Lavender Apricot Salmon Aqua Peppermint and of course Cornflower.

Jockney Rebel
06-11-2007, 10:11 PM
im from glasgow
so:
1 exersise is running frae the polis
2 cats is whit ye get in yer chinky oan a seterday night
3 the only thing ye ll find us suckin is the last dregs o' oor beer fae the glees before the barman nicks it
4 if yer a kafflick the bog is the nearist orange lodge ,if yer a prodestant its parkheed gates
5 whit the fuks coffee?
6 aye we know colors tae ...black and blue ..orange an green
7 how can ye yaze yer hauns when yer tryin tae roll a spliff .....ah yaze ma knees
8 thatll be easy awe ma pals are in the same nick
:]translations on request ;]

Weaselman
07-11-2007, 07:24 AM
"Och aye"