Ranch Hand.

[Tony Nitrous]

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch,
but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the
newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She
thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided
to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the
house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a
lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was
doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired
hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You
should go into town and kick up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One
o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired
hand. He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he
found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine,
waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it
off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly
by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching
her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he Was
told and dropped it to the floor.

"Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light of the fire, He
slowly pulled them down and off.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into Town
again, you're fired."

[Tony Nitrous]

http://img231.imageshack.us/img231/2131/bunnyxh0.jpg

[Tony Nitrous]

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

[Tony Nitrous]

http://img225.imageshack.us/img225/2580/governmentlogomu2qc0.jpg

[Tony Nitrous]

Paddy and Mick were both laid off from their jobs in a clothing
factory,
so they went to the unemployment office.

When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, "Panty Stitcher - I sew da
elastic onto ladies cotton panties and tongs."

The clerk looked up panty stitcher on his computer and, finding it
classified as unskilled labour, he gave him $80 a week unemployment
pay.

Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, "Diesel
fitter."

Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick $160 a
week.

When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to
find out why his friend and co-worker were collecting double his pay.

The Clerk explained, "Panty Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel
fitters are skilled labour."

"What skill?" yelled Paddy? "I sew da elastic on da panties and tongs,"
and then Mick puts 'em over his head and says: "Yep, diesel fitter."