Jockney Rebel
07-06-2007, 05:20 PM
Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 5:42 pm Post subject: Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> ACTUAL EXCHANGES BETWEEN PILOTS:
>>
>> Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers.....
>>
>> Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
>> Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> *****************************
>> Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
>> TWA 2341: "Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we
>> make up here?"
>> Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it
>> hits a 727?"
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> *******************************
>> From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue:
>> "I'm f...ing bored!"
>> Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify
>> yourself immediately!"
>> Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> *****************************
>> O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your
>> traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
>> United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this. I've got
>> the little Fokker in sight."
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> *******************************
>> A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
>> attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was
>> your last known position?"
>> Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> ******************************
>> A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly
>> long roll out after touching down.
>> San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at
>> the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take
>> the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights
>> and return to the airport."
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> *******************************
>> A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich,
>> overheard the following:
>> Lufthansa (in German): " Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
>> Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in
>> English."
>> Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German
>> airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
>> Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British
>> accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
>>
>> I thought these were very good....
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> *******************************
>> Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
>> frequency 124.7"
>> Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the
>> way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the
>> far end of the runway."
>> Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
>> contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report
>> from Eastern 702?"
>> BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff,
>> roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... We've already notified our
>> caterers."
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> ********************************
>> One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to
>> hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8
>> landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the
>> Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the
>> radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by
>> yourself?"
>> The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back
>> with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing
>> like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> *******************************
>> The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as
>> a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate
>> parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from
>> them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747)
>> listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground
>> control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
>> Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
>> Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
>> The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
>>
>> Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
>> Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate
>> location now."
>> Ground round (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206,
>> have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
>> Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, --
>> And I didn't land."
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> ****************************
>> While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air
>> flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came
>> nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller
>> lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the
>> hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway!
>> You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult
>> for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
>>
>> Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now
>> shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up!
>> It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and
>> don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi
>> instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly
>> where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got
>> that, US Air 2771?"
>> "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
>> Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell
>> terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody
>> wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her
>> current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick
>> was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the
>> silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you
>> once?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> ACTUAL EXCHANGES BETWEEN PILOTS:
>>
>> Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers.....
>>
>> Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
>> Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> *****************************
>> Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
>> TWA 2341: "Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we
>> make up here?"
>> Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it
>> hits a 727?"
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> *******************************
>> From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue:
>> "I'm f...ing bored!"
>> Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify
>> yourself immediately!"
>> Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> *****************************
>> O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your
>> traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
>> United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this. I've got
>> the little Fokker in sight."
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> *******************************
>> A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
>> attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was
>> your last known position?"
>> Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> ******************************
>> A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly
>> long roll out after touching down.
>> San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at
>> the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take
>> the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights
>> and return to the airport."
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> *******************************
>> A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich,
>> overheard the following:
>> Lufthansa (in German): " Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
>> Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in
>> English."
>> Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German
>> airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
>> Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British
>> accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
>>
>> I thought these were very good....
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> *******************************
>> Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
>> frequency 124.7"
>> Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the
>> way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the
>> far end of the runway."
>> Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
>> contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report
>> from Eastern 702?"
>> BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff,
>> roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... We've already notified our
>> caterers."
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> ********************************
>> One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to
>> hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8
>> landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the
>> Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the
>> radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by
>> yourself?"
>> The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back
>> with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing
>> like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> *******************************
>> The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as
>> a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate
>> parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from
>> them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747)
>> listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground
>> control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
>> Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
>> Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
>> The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
>>
>> Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
>> Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate
>> location now."
>> Ground round (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206,
>> have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
>> Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, --
>> And I didn't land."
>>
>> ************************************************** *******************
>> ****************************
>> While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air
>> flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came
>> nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller
>> lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the
>> hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway!
>> You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult
>> for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
>>
>> Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now
>> shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up!
>> It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and
>> don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi
>> instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly
>> where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got
>> that, US Air 2771?"
>> "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
>> Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell
>> terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody
>> wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her
>> current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick
>> was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the
>> silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you
>> once?"