speeddemon
23-02-2007, 11:36 PM
Q: If you see a Queenslander on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bike.
Q: What's the difference between a Queenslander and a coconut?
A: One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut.
Q: What do you call a Queenslander in a three-bedroom house?
A: A burglar.
Q: What do you call a Queenslander dressed in a suit?
A: The accused.
Q: What do you say to a Queenslander with a job?
A: Big Mac & fries please.
Q: What do you have if you come across a Queenslander buried up to his neck in sand?
A: a shortage of sand.
Saint Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when forty Queenslanders showed up. Never having seen anyone
from QLD at heaven's door, Saint Peter said he would have to check with God. After hearing the news,
God instructed him to admit the ten most virtuous from the group.
A few minutes later, Saint Peter returned to God breathless and said, "They're gone."
"What? All of the Queenslanders are gone?" asked God.
"No" replied Saint Peter "The Pearly Gates!"
One day a Queenslander dies so before he goes to heaven he arrives at the gates of St Peters.
"Age?" Peter asks.
"24" the little Queenslander replied.
"Where did you live?"
"Well, um, Gympie"
"Were you blue or were you red" asked St. Peter.
"Red till I died" replied the Queenslander.
"Sorry no Queenslanders allowed into heaven they are all robbing little twats!"
"But but I have done good things."
"Like what?"
"Well, last week I gave a tenner to the homeless the week before that I gave a tenner to oxfam and
the day I died I gave a tenner to the heart foundation!"
"Well I will see what I can do I will go and explain the situation to God."
After half an hour out comes St. Peter followed by god who is wearing a NSW blue shirt.
"Right I heard what you have done with all the good causes what with giving away thirty quid to charity and I have come up with a solution" God said.
"What is it?" asked the Queenslander.
"Well, here is your thirty bucks now piss off!"
Q: What is the ideal weight of a Queenslander?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
Q. How do you save a Queenslander from drowning?
A. Take your foot of his head.
A: It might be your bike.
Q: What's the difference between a Queenslander and a coconut?
A: One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut.
Q: What do you call a Queenslander in a three-bedroom house?
A: A burglar.
Q: What do you call a Queenslander dressed in a suit?
A: The accused.
Q: What do you say to a Queenslander with a job?
A: Big Mac & fries please.
Q: What do you have if you come across a Queenslander buried up to his neck in sand?
A: a shortage of sand.
Saint Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when forty Queenslanders showed up. Never having seen anyone
from QLD at heaven's door, Saint Peter said he would have to check with God. After hearing the news,
God instructed him to admit the ten most virtuous from the group.
A few minutes later, Saint Peter returned to God breathless and said, "They're gone."
"What? All of the Queenslanders are gone?" asked God.
"No" replied Saint Peter "The Pearly Gates!"
One day a Queenslander dies so before he goes to heaven he arrives at the gates of St Peters.
"Age?" Peter asks.
"24" the little Queenslander replied.
"Where did you live?"
"Well, um, Gympie"
"Were you blue or were you red" asked St. Peter.
"Red till I died" replied the Queenslander.
"Sorry no Queenslanders allowed into heaven they are all robbing little twats!"
"But but I have done good things."
"Like what?"
"Well, last week I gave a tenner to the homeless the week before that I gave a tenner to oxfam and
the day I died I gave a tenner to the heart foundation!"
"Well I will see what I can do I will go and explain the situation to God."
After half an hour out comes St. Peter followed by god who is wearing a NSW blue shirt.
"Right I heard what you have done with all the good causes what with giving away thirty quid to charity and I have come up with a solution" God said.
"What is it?" asked the Queenslander.
"Well, here is your thirty bucks now piss off!"
Q: What is the ideal weight of a Queenslander?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
Q. How do you save a Queenslander from drowning?
A. Take your foot of his head.