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Jockney Rebel
10-12-2006, 09:52 PM
Ye ken yir Scottish when..

>

> >1...you kin properly pronounce - McConnochie, Ecclefechan Milngavie,

> >Sauchiehall St, Enoch, Menzies,

> >Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.

> >2. ...Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie.

> >3. .....Ye get four seasons in wan day.

> >4..... Ye canny pass a chip/kebab shop withoot slaverin when yer blootert.

> >5. ....Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.

> >6. ......Ye see people wear shell suits with burberry accessories - pure

>class!

> >7. ...........Ye measure distance in minutes.

> >8. ......Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him -

>in

> >yer ain family.

> >9. .....Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the ocean.

> >10. ......Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer

>wurds.

> >11. ...Ye know whit haggis is made fae and stull like eating it.

> >12. ...Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day

> >date.

> >13...... You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the

> >Church/Chapel.

> >

> >14. ....Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n

> >chips,irn-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.

> >

> >15....... Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.

> >16........ A big flash car has a ned at the wheel.

> >17. ......Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.

> >18. ......Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.

> >19. .....Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.

> >20. Finally, you are 100% Scottish if you have ever said/heard

> >these

> >words...

> >

> >a) how's it hingin

> >b)

>yourgonnaegetyerfikinheidkiktin

> >c) clatty

> >d) boggin

> >e) cludgie

> >f) p!shed

> >g) get it up ye

> >h) wee beasties

> >i) ar$e bandit

> >j) amurny

> >k) away an bile yer heid

> >l) peely-wally

> >m) humphey backit

> >n) numpty-heid

> >o) baw bag

> >p) dubble nugget

> >

> >

> >True Story -

> >

> >A Wee Glesca wumman goes intae a butchershop, where the butcherhas just

> >came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back,with hisrear

> >end aimed at an electric fire.

> >The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks, "Is that

>yerAyrshire

> >bacon?"

>





Diane Grady

Administrator

Godfrey Pearson Ltd

Westpoint

4 Redheughs Rigg

South Gyle

Edinburgh

EH12 9DQ

10-12-2006, 10:05 PM
Fuck I've studied 17th C philosophy texts in their original Olde English, and understood the entire thing in less time than it's going to take me to understand the whole of that post.

:D

10-12-2006, 10:13 PM
Actually the joke at the end reminds me of a story that came out of China in the mid 90's (it's true too, my ex is from China and her family were talking about it back there)
There was a bakery in one of the western provinces that was doing a roaring trade in pork buns, poeple were raving about'em, and coming from neighboring provinces to check them out. Eventually people started getting concerned about the fact that noone else ecould reproduce the wonderfully delicate flavour of them, till someone noted that his brother in law might have something to do withit. He was always delivering meat to the store, so they followed him, only to discover that he worked at the local undertaker. He was removing the buttocks and thighs from the bodies prior to burial/cremation.
They got the death penalty for it.

gibbo
11-12-2006, 07:45 AM
WHAT THE[?][?][?][?]

Gix11
11-12-2006, 08:52 AM
If you've read much Irvine Welsh that all makes plain sense.

Now here's a name I haven't heard in a while: "Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him in yer ain family."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/guide/images/400/rabcnesbitt_2.jpg

Fuck off and boil your head is a new one on me though......

dazz
11-12-2006, 11:06 AM
You know your an aussie when you got to about line 3 and thought "Fuck this!":D

WATEVR
11-12-2006, 11:31 AM
quote:Originally posted by dazz

You know your an aussie when you got to about line 3 and thought "Fuck this!":D


now thats funny:D:D:D

qickdraw
11-12-2006, 12:29 PM
....errr, I read the whole thing before I realised it was supposed to be a joke....[:I]:D
Takes me back to my younger daze...
Irn-bru!! Gives ye the strength te bend guuurrrders!;)

Jockney Rebel
11-12-2006, 03:51 PM
quote:Originally posted by Gix11

If you've read much Irvine Welsh that all makes plain sense.

Now here's a name I haven't heard in a while: "Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him in yer ain family."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/guide/images/400/rabcnesbitt_2.jpg

Fuck off and boil your head is a new one on me though......


that one dates back to my school days awa an biel yer heid

Jockney Rebel
11-12-2006, 03:53 PM
quote:Originally posted by Gix11

If you've read much Irvine Welsh that all makes plain sense.

Now here's a name I haven't heard in a while: "Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him in yer ain family."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/guide/images/400/rabcnesbitt_2.jpg

Fuck off and boil your head is a new one on me though......


and Rab is my uncle Alec he s managed to break 3 plastic knee caps fallin out of the pub tha NHS says hes not gettin any more

Jockney Rebel
11-12-2006, 04:00 PM
quote:Originally posted by chalk10

Fuck I've studied 17th C philosophy texts in their original Olde English, and understood the entire thing in less time than it's going to take me to understand the whole of that post.

:D
chalkie this is officially recognised as a language it is of course based in english but theres a bit of scandnavian ,gaelic and slavic too... i used to get a lot of stick when we "emigrated" to England cos my teachers thought my accent was too aggressive..its totally fuked now im abit...sarf est lonon,a bit..fea glesga and now im starting to pick up a bit of 'strine

11-12-2006, 04:25 PM
No worries mate

Back in the 80/90's the professors at Oxford used to do a survey of all the English speakers around the globe, and NZ consistently came out on top for speaking the best English in the world. And fark didn't the poms crack a shit over that, damned good for a stir I'll tell ya. :D

The one language I regret not learning, or even being offered at the predominately Maori schools I went to, is Latin. I would like to be able to read the early Western philosophers in their own language. And If I ever get a hold of an original copy of Robinson's writings I'll give you a call. He is a relatively obscure Scottish Philosopher (Born 1694) who had a major impact on many of the 18th & 19th C English impiricist philosophers, but he seems to have been forgotten in the pantheon of Empiricist Philosophers.

11-12-2006, 04:27 PM
And before anyone asks, NO I cannot provide an ethical justification for the way I ride.

As far as I am concerned it would be impossible, and totally not required by me. :D

Jockney Rebel
11-12-2006, 05:20 PM
nemo mi inpune lacessit my old son :}
its on the scots coat of arms they taught me latin in scottish schools but not in english ones i have unfortunately forgotten most of it ...i wouldnt mind readin that i have a reprint of robert burns' poems and thoughts on my desk alas i do not read as often as i should