Two men shopping....

[special-k]

Two blokes are pushing their shopping trolleys around a store when they collide

The 1st bloke says to 2nd bloke: "Sorry mate, I'm looking for my wife and I wasn't paying attention to where I was going"

The 2nd replies to the 1st: "That's ok mate, what a coincidence. I'm also looking for my wife"

The 1st to 2nd: "Well, maybe we can help each other, what does your wife look like?"

The 2nd to 1st: "Well, she is 22 years old, tall, blue eyes, blonde hair, big breasts, she is wearing a short miniskirt & a white tank top. What does yours look like?"

1st to 2nd; "Doesn't matter ........... Let's just look for yours."

[8D]

[devo]

[:p] Which Shopping Centre did say it was :D

[Tony Nitrous]

Life in a Mental Hospital


A nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending he's driving
a car, with his hands at 10 and 2 positions.

The nurse asks him, "Charlie! What are you doing?" Charlie
replies,"Can't talk right now I'm driving to Melbourne!"

The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day
the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his
imaginary car and she asks, "Well Charlie, how was your trip?"
Charlie says, "I'm exhausted, I just got into Melbourne and I need some rest."

"That's great," replied the nurse, "I'm glad you had a nice safe trip."

The nurse leaves Charlie's room , and then goes across the hall into
another patients' room and finds Ed sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously.

Shocked, she shouts, "Ed what are you doing!?" To which Ed replies,
"Shhh, I'm shagging Charlie's wife while he's in Melbourne".

[Tony Nitrous]

Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, "You are
charged with beating your wife to death with a "shovel."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You Bastard!"

The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your
Mother-in-Law to death with a shovel

Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You Bastard!!!"

The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom,
and said, "Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this
crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I
shall charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?"

Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For fifteen
years I lived next door to that Bastard. Every time I asked to borrow
a shovel, he said he didn't have one!"

[kevkatana]

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15
years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he
finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on
top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:

"Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's
probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in
years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't
resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is
obviously very dangerous.
If he gets angry, he'll kill us both.
Be strong,honey. I love you!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck.
He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey.
I love you, too!

[gibbo]

[:0]

[special-k]

^^^^^^ BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! [B)]