Why does a Jew pick his nose?
It's cheaper than using a tissue.
Why is the rhinoceros jealous of Jews?
Jews have bigger noses.
Why don't Jews eat pork?
The Torah prohibits cannibalism.
Why does a Jew pick his nose?
It's cheaper than using a tissue.
Why is the rhinoceros jealous of Jews?
Jews have bigger noses.
Why don't Jews eat pork?
The Torah prohibits cannibalism.
What's the difference between dog shit and niggers?
When dog shit gets old it turns White and quits stinking.
Why don't sharks eat niggers?
They think it's whale shit.
Why do niggers cry during sex?
The Mace.
Three Chinese brothers, Bu, Chu, and Fu, want to illegally live in America. The brothers decide to change their names to seem American. Bu changes his name to Buck. Chu changes his name to Chuck. And Fu got sent back to China.
What do you call a retarded Chinese baby?
Sum Ting Wong
What soup weighs 1000 kg?
Wonton
Baaaahahaha! Ur on fire shayne!
Now some more:quote:Originally posted by Bear
Here they come...
* Woman should have laid still while Matty Johns f*cked her ... it's common knowledge that thrashing around and screaming only attracts other sharks.
* I finally understand the words of the kiwi hakka, for years I have been wondering what "COME MATTY, COME MATTY" meant.
* The NRL have cleared Matty Johns of all charges, apparently the kiwi girl was unaware of the interchange rule.
* I found out the name of the kiwi girl Matty Johns rooted, its Joyce Mayne .... Get what you want now, nothing to pay for seven years.
* A recent study shows that the Cronulla Sharks are getting bigger crowds at their gang bangs than at their home games.
- The Johns event didn't happen to my mind; there is no way Cronulla could
score 12 times in one night.
- What's the worlds bravest bird? A kiwi, cause it takes on 12 sharks at
once...
- What's the difference between Matt Johns and Jaws? In Jaws there was only 1
shark eating the woman.
- Apparently the kiwi woman only wanted "sex" with Johns, not "six".
Did you know if you watch the movie jaws backwards, its a film about a shark that keeps throwing up people untill someone opens a beach
LMAO! That is so fuckin random man!quote:Originally posted by 336LJ
Did you know if you watch the movie jaws backwards, its a film about a shark that keeps throwing up people untill someone opens a beach
Went to my first Muslim birthday party last week.
The "musical chairs" was a bit slow but, Holy Shit, "Pass the Parcel" was quick!!!
I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop wanking.
When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan guy standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up, Abdul? Won't it fuckin' start?"
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone.
I said, "Morning."
He replied, "No, just having a shit."
My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."
So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, flipped her over, and came all over her face and hair.
I guess we don't watch the same movies.
A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."
A man is in bed with his new Thai wife...
After having great sex,
she spends the next hour just stroking his penis, something
she had lovingly done on many occasions.
Rather enjoying it, he turns and asks her: 'Why do you love doing that?'
She replies........ 'Because I really miss mine'.
3 aboriginal women are debating the correct attire for when a plane crashes. The first one say's I'll wear white becuase you can see that for miles when the search planes come over. The second one pipes up, Na you gotta wear fluro orange cause if you land in the water you can't see white for shit. The third one say's ya both fucking stupid, ya don't wear any clothes at all. The other 2 are shocked and ask he why. She say's "well when a plane crashes they're always looking for the black box first."
how was copper wire invented?
2 jews fighting over a penny
Kylie Minogue, Robbie Williams and Elton John were walking over a bridge.
Kylie trips and gets her head jammed between the railings.
With a couple of side ways glances, Robbie pulls aside her G-String, and bonks her senseless!
He stands back and tells Elton "your turn".
Elton starts crying!
"What's up?" asks Robbie. Elton sobs, "my head wont fit through the railings".
The Fox News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the
local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in
with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go.'
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the
photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take
pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for Fox Cable News,' he responded. 'And I need to
get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment.
Finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me is .... you're NOT my flight instructor?'
Colin, the Aborigine
A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Colin, the only aborigine in the neighbourhood.
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ and flirting. At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in.'
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Colin in the pool fighting the croc, jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor. The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Colin and the croc were screaming and raising hell.
Finally Colin strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a dead goldfish. Colin then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. The host says, 'Well, Colin, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.'
'Nah, you all right boss, I don't want it,' said Colin.
The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?'
'No thanks. I don't want it,' answered Colin.
The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?'
Again, Colin said "No."
Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well Colin, then what do you want?'
Colin said, 'I want the bastard who pushed me in.'
that's a fucking pisser bear LOL
^hahahahha awesome
Guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it's filled to the brim with $20 notes. He guesses there must be thousands of dollar's in it.
He approaches the barman and asks. 'What's up with the jar?'
Well, you pay $20 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money..'
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. 'What are the three tests?'
'Pay first, those are the rules.' says the barman. So the man gives him the $20 and the barman drops it into the jar.
'OK,' the barman says. 'Here's what you need to do .......
First, you have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing, all at once ... and you can't make a face while doing it.
Second, there's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.
Third, there's a 90-year old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've gotta make things right for her.'
The man is stunned. 'I know I paid my $20, but I'm not an idiot, I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things ..'
'Your call,' says the barman, 'but your money stays where it is.'
As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, 'Wherez zat tequila?'
He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with big slurps. Tears streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.
Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and soon the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy scuffle going on outside.
They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping and then silence.
Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body.
'Now,' he says. 'Wherez zat old woman wiz a sore tooth?'
Guy walks into a library and asks for a book on tourettes, the librarian say "Fuckoff ya c*^t!" He says, "yeah that's the one".
Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women. They are mixing the Clio and the Taurus and calling it the "CLITAURUS". It comes in pink with or without fur on the dash. The average male theif wont be able to find it, even if somebody tells him where it is.
An englishman an irishman and a scotsman walk into a bar. The barman says "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
A Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Lockyer
Valley farm and talks with an old farmer.
He tells the farmer, I need to inspect your farm for your water allocation.
The old farmer says, 'Okay, but don't go in that paddock over there.
The Water representative says, 'Mister, I have the authority of the
Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am
allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions
asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?'
The old farmer nods politely and goes about his work.
Later, the old farmer hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep
running for his life and close behind is the farmer's bull. The bull is gaining with every step. The Rep is clearly terrified, so the old
farmer immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
'Your card! Show him Your card!
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest,
'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together,
but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again.
For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box '
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
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