some of my drivel sorry writing .. from the past 10yrs ..have fun ..

Remember the first VCR’s? The ones with the piano keys that made a noise like a gun cocking every time you pressed play?
Well it was that long ago I went to a party in Blackheath, I used to hang out with some trendy types from the local University which just happened to be annexed to my tech college. Anyway... this night was one of those times when the mood was good, the food was good ,and the ‘hood was good.[forgive me]

A close friend of mine got us an invite through a girl he knew, we were a sort of double act, he had the chat, I had the looks [erm] shows you how low the standards were .., for some reason he always ended up with the girl...funny that
So, posh blokes and girls everywhere, we made the rounds and networked a bit. My mate, Matt was making his usual bee-line for the prettiest girl in the place whilst I usually ended up talking to the most interesting girls unfortunately the two mostly don’t go hand in hand if you catch my drift but I preferred the conversation [honestly]!!!

I was always getting introduced to “You’ll like her she’s got a nice personality” girls, by female mates of mine trying to unload there “im not getting pulled with her in tow “friends.
Well all I had to say to that was if their “personality” wasn’t at least 36C I wasn’t interested. I unashamedly admit to being a fan of “the orbs of comfort”.As I grew older size didn’t matter as much as I had thought either !
This particular time I considered myself lucky to be with an attractive, interesting girl [she was doing an ‘ology in something or other] remember… we were apprentice engineers at the time!
Rumoured to be akin to beer swilling Neanderthals, which wasn’t strictly true but not entirely a lie either. Matt was definitely a predator, working class, intelligent sex god, or so he thought. [Well bless him at least he had 1 fan ....himself] and me ? well I was sort of his bait I could talk the leg off a chair and was generally safe as far as he was concerned which meant I was no threat to his hunting skills

Anyway , I tended to be a little on the shy side, women usually had to convince me sufficiently that they REALLY wanted to go to bed, and not to sleep either! If hints were hammers id have had concussion! This was one such time, let me enlighten you…
When we walked into the house she was at the piano in the hall playing “stairway to heaven” I was held there… I don’t think I moved much for a good 2 hours. She was attractive, obviously talented, wearing tight black leather jeans and a sort of lacy blouse thing that was trying really hard to contain a scale model of the Swiss Alps. We spent a long time on the stairs jarring to each other, although I must admit I had some chemical assistance in the talking dept. By the way, word to the wise, NEVER take this substance when there is any chance [even remotely]of sex, it tends to make the equipment take industrial action at the most inopportune time, not always, but like I said I’m not the luckiest of Romeos.

So we talked and talked, covered every possible subject from philosophy and metaphysics to the wonders of Marks and Spencer’s food and music, except of course what was really on my mind…if there was anything else inside her bra apart from flesh ..No really you’d be surprised what I’ve found in those things, paper towels, money even! I reckon they should be had up for false representation well... you think it’s a ‘C’ when it’s really an “EH?’… And while we re on the subject… how can a simple hook defeat the most dexterous of us? Just when you think you’ve mastered it, they move it round the front!!
Have you ladies any idea how hard we train to deftly undo those evil contraptions? Some have sisters to educate them... all my siblings were male and a good bit younger than me so as usual I was at a disadvantage from the off.
The night wore on and the house emptied Matt disappeared with one of the female hosts.
And I was left in the living room with two very pissed physics majors and this girl, the physics guys suggested watching a movie on the newly acquired Video machine, I was relieved [Id run out of stuff to say] and pissed off [cos given some privacy the thought might cross the lady’s mind that jumping me may be a good nightcap] .the fact she was trying to find my tonsils with her tongue was a fair clue.

The only film they had was...Alien... granted a classic and one of my personal favourites, but theres a time and place??
.After 110 minutes of ‘No one hearing you scream in space’ the guys were fast asleep, the moment was at hand … thought I…Playtex’s latest had been overcome, I was about to delve into hitherto unknown realms of ecstasy when…..
The tape ran out and the auto stop feature on the VCR disengaged the piano key buttons with all the noise of an AK47, shit the life out of me!
So I jumped up, my hand still up the unfortunate ladies blouse, both of our scientists to be, awakened to the sight of their housemate topless. They were delighted, she wasn’t.....I was on a red card again

The moment was well and truly crucified…. I walked out into the clear summer dawn some time later thinking; I must’ve been right evil twat in a previous life! and how her kids were gonna get stretch marks on their lips !

supposed to read "the last 50 yrs " but never mind

It seems we now live in a world wrapped in cotton wool ,safety is paramount .So where does that leave us bikers ? If the car industry is anything to go by ,autonomous bikes should be hitting the streets soon! Seriously though isn't life supposed to have risks? surely human development would stall without it ?
The whole point of riding a motorcycle is for the thrill of it much the same as any other pastime that requires an element of risk ,that thrill can be as high or low as you make it.
The progressive development of the motorcycle that I have witnessed over the last 4 decades has been almost exponential. Gone are the days of delayed braking with stainless disc brakes as thick as armour plate and suspension that would ,in some cases, be better suited to a horse and cart. I could go on but you get the picture .
I have been riding a number of years and whilst I'm no racer I have had my moments, in my earliest memories I have flicked air cooled Yamaha twins around the twistiest of twisties ,and hung on for dear life as I tried to control my first big multi cylindered four stroke .
One such bike was my Z1000,born in 1976, . Procured for a couple of grand's worth of beer tokens she was all my dreams realised,not new by any means, but mine at last . I had become a 'Geezah' I had the means to escape the hum drum existence of weekly work . Opening up the throttle on that beast for the first time spread a grin across my face that was hard to wipe away.
This is the thrill we must never lose, whatever it is that gets your heart pumping, I guarantee it involves risk of some sort. It's not speed ,its not the power, although those things certainly contribute its the feeling of freedom ,of being in the scenery rather than looking at it through a sheet of curved glass cosseted in a steel frame calculated to protect you from yourself.
The Big Zed proved to be a handful not as wild as its earlier versions but still demanding respect and the full concentration of its pilot. I threw a wedge of money at it to make it handle better ,I felt at the time 90 hp was enough but it needed to corner better . Even after the mods it still had trouble living with my mates Laverda in the twisty stuff .But back then the 'Lav ' was the fastest production bike in the world so I wasn't that disappointed.
I once saw 130mph on her speedo through tear stained eyes, just about the same time she decided to shake her head in an attempt to chastise me for wringing her neck .
Fast forward ten years, I had acquired a Kawasaki ZXR750 [my first plastic rocket] I was astounded at its velocity and handling so fine I'll stick my neck out and say it had one of the best front ends available . whilst I loved how the thing went and looked it lacked a certain something .
So after a bout of nostalgia I donned my rose tinted specs and went looking for another Zed. I found a reasonable example and took it for a test ride and that cured me of my nostalgia! . Yup I love old Zeds but the ZXR had it beaten in almost every way ,why? because the ZXR massaged my ego ,made me feel like I was on a GP bike and made me ride with precision rather than brute force.
The thrills from both of those bikes are tangible ,as are the risks ,it could be argued that they need the same amount of input but in different ways . One requires an understanding of the limitations of the cycle parts the other, the limitations of your skill. In any case, riding bikes is one of the last 'everyman ' practices that we can do that tests our skill and control as well as being good for you mental state .
So as I find that there are less summers in front of me than behind I sincerely hope that we don't descend into a society that takes the edge off of everything we do ,cos if we do its going to be helluva boring